A Happy Teddy Bear

@JonTwinkletoes

Old/rubbish jokes. Nonsense.

England, United Kingdom
Joined February 2009

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  1. Pinned Tweet
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  2. I think I might start a website called Kickfarter, where people pay me to not fart.

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  3. As if pineapple wasn't bad enough... I've just discovered this abomination. No! Just f#cking no

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  4. 2019 is going to be confusing.

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  5. 2019 is going to be confusing.

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  6. Got mugged by six dwarves last night. Not happy.

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  10. If any of you get a message from me about tinned meat, don't open it, it's spam.

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  11. Just been quoted £2k to insure a DeLorean. Seems expensive as I only intend to drive it from time to time...

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  12. Are you ready for this?

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  13. Didn't buy a big enough turkey this year. I really fancy a turkey sarnie but I finished the turkey 2 days ago.

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  14. Act now, to enjoy a false sense of urgency!

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  16. Actress Dame June Whitfield, known for her roles in sitcoms Terry and June and Absolutely Fabulous, has died aged 93

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  17. I don't walk anywhere but for some reason, my shoes still wear out, it’s like there’s just no reward for laziness.

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  18. So, it's the period between and . No one knows what day it is. Time doesn't really exist. Can we start drinking at 8:30am? Why not! Existence is a confusion.

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  19. It's 4:20am and I'm wasting my life trying to get my Echo Dot to argue with Google Assistant.

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  20. Just clearing up all the reindeer sh*t left in the yard.

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  21. "Um, here's a crazy idea, how about finishing the mural in the baby's room?" - Banksy's wife.

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