Jon Torsch

I just finished Invisalign. My last visit was yesterday. I paid ~$4k out of pocket for it over the last two years (even good insurance sucks). This covered two rounds of Invisalign, retainers, and tooth bonding/grinding to elongate/shape some teeth.

Being poor means poor (or no) dental health care (or health care in general). I moved out at 17 and didn't have insurance again until 27. Even with a new stable job and insurance, spending on "cosmetics" felt uncomfortable, vain, and against all that I was taught growing up poor.

These are happy memories and I was happy in them, but I learned to smile without teeth because I felt a deep shame of them. The shame of being poor, the shame of self-image, the shame of envy, and even now the shame of spending on the treatment, have all weighed so heavily.

In carrying all of that shame, and training myself to not smile "all the way," and having all of that shame brought up every time I felt like smiling in public or in pictures, I've fed a much deeper (and, to be fair, broader) depression.