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Joe8Bit's profile
Joe Pettersson
Joe Pettersson
Joe Pettersson
@Joe8Bit

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Joe Pettersson

@Joe8Bit

cto @wearebanked, founding partner http://havantpark.com , author http://scaling.engineering . support indigenous communities and @arsenal. he/him

London
joe8bit.com
Joined April 2010

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    Joe Pettersson‏ @Joe8Bit 30 Jul 2019

    I saw a tweet asking why sometimes when you unsubscribe from an email list it says it can ‘take a few days’. Buckle up, as I have a RIDICULOUS story about this happening in The Enterprise™️...

    2:17 PM - 30 Jul 2019
    • 7,119 Retweets
    • 15,430 Likes
    • Rodrigo Espinosa de los Monteros James Seconde Dan AntK Roman Besolov Владимир Timur Gurupad Mamadapur Kuchen🦦
    269 replies 7,119 retweets 15,430 likes
      1. New conversation
      2. Joe Pettersson‏ @Joe8Bit 30 Jul 2019

        There’s a bank. Let’s assume you’ve heard of them, in fact if you’re in the UK there’s a 10 in 1 chance they’re YOUR bank. I was an overpayed ‘consultant’ at this bank.

        7 replies 15 retweets 543 likes
        Show this thread
      3. Joe Pettersson‏ @Joe8Bit 30 Jul 2019

        This bank sends marketing emails. There’s a little ‘unsubscribe’ link at the bottom of the mail. People often click it.

        1 reply 9 retweets 475 likes
        Show this thread
      4. Joe Pettersson‏ @Joe8Bit 30 Jul 2019

        When they do it calls an antique web service that runs ‘somewhere’ at the bank. Honestly, it took me 3 weeks to find out where.

        5 replies 15 retweets 723 likes
        Show this thread
      5. Joe Pettersson‏ @Joe8Bit 30 Jul 2019

        This web service sends an email to an internal email address every time it’s clicked. This happens 100s of times a day.

        1 reply 8 retweets 538 likes
        Show this thread
      6. Joe Pettersson‏ @Joe8Bit 30 Jul 2019

        This email was originally sent to an individual. They left the bank five years before.

        3 replies 8 retweets 742 likes
        Show this thread
      7. Joe Pettersson‏ @Joe8Bit 30 Jul 2019

        This mail address is now forwarded to an email group. They couldn’t change the address as it’s hard coded and they don’t have the code that was used to compile this Java 6 service.

        14 replies 30 retweets 973 likes
        Show this thread
      8. Joe Pettersson‏ @Joe8Bit 30 Jul 2019

        This email group is monitored by two people in the banks offshore centre in Hyderabad. They worked super hard and always SMASHED their job; but holy crap it was soul crushing.

        3 replies 8 retweets 747 likes
        Show this thread
      9. Joe Pettersson‏ @Joe8Bit 30 Jul 2019

        When I spoke to them via VC they had the Enterprise 1000 Yard Stare. They’ve banged their head against this thing for YEARS and it’s NEVER changed.

        1 reply 9 retweets 676 likes
        Show this thread
      10. Joe Pettersson‏ @Joe8Bit 30 Jul 2019

        When they get a mail, they need to run a SQL query to see if that mail address is associated with a customer (which results in one process) or if it’s not (which results in a separate process)

        3 replies 7 retweets 634 likes
        Show this thread
      11. Joe Pettersson‏ @Joe8Bit 30 Jul 2019

        If they’re a customer, they execute another SQL query that updates a customer record in a type of ETL staging area. Every one of these changes is reviewed (at 4pm UK time) by a team in an office in Scotland. If they approve it, it gets executed 24 hours LATER at 4pm

        4 replies 11 retweets 715 likes
        Show this thread
      12. Joe Pettersson‏ @Joe8Bit 30 Jul 2019

        If this person is NOT a customer, they add it to an excel and email it (just before they go home) to a marketing team in Swindon.

        2 replies 9 retweets 588 likes
        Show this thread
      13. Joe Pettersson‏ @Joe8Bit 30 Jul 2019

        The marketing team use tea leaves and chicken bones to decide if this person is a ‘high vale prospect’ (their ‘SLA’ is ‘within 48 hours’). If they AREN’T they add the address to another excel and email the original team in India. They use their ‘process’ to execute a SQL query

        3 replies 22 retweets 1,038 likes
        Show this thread
      14. Joe Pettersson‏ @Joe8Bit 30 Jul 2019

        If they ARE a ‘high value prospect’ the marketing team MANUALLY sends an email asking if they REALLY REALLY want to unsubscribe? It looks like an automated email, but it ain’t.

        5 replies 22 retweets 928 likes
        Show this thread
      15. Joe Pettersson‏ @Joe8Bit 30 Jul 2019

        If they answer yes (they had to literally reply ‘YES’) then the team in Swindon send a THIRD excel back to India and the ceremonial SQL queries are run.

        8 replies 11 retweets 666 likes
        Show this thread
      16. Joe Pettersson‏ @Joe8Bit 30 Jul 2019

        IIRC this took FOUR BUSINESS DAYS on average. On average ~700 people unsubscribed a day and ~70% of those were deemed ‘high value prospects’.

        8 replies 18 retweets 829 likes
        Show this thread
      17. Joe Pettersson‏ @Joe8Bit 30 Jul 2019

        There’s another story about how the two people from India joined our engineering team and became the Product Owners for the thing that replaced it 💪

        5 replies 22 retweets 1,624 likes
        Show this thread
      18. Joe Pettersson‏ @Joe8Bit 31 Jul 2019

        They were also two of the nicest, most caring, hardest working people I've ever had the opportunity to work with. They were the reason why this awful corporate clusterfuck of a process worked so 'smoothly' for all those years.

        5 replies 20 retweets 1,189 likes
        Show this thread
      19. Joe Pettersson‏ @Joe8Bit 31 Jul 2019

        If those things didn't make an ideal, A+ candidate to own the replacement system I don't know what did.

        1 reply 7 retweets 655 likes
        Show this thread
      20. Joe Pettersson‏ @Joe8Bit 31 Jul 2019

        They eventually moved to the UK, and one of them is now in charge of a team of 40+ people!

        5 replies 7 retweets 1,079 likes
        Show this thread
      21. Joe Pettersson‏ @Joe8Bit 31 Jul 2019

        Why had they been ignored and overlooked for so long, and why every bit of their work needed to be 'checked' by a team in the UK… you'll need to fill in the gaps on that one-oh wait no, it was prejudice against offshore workers and a light sparkling of racism! ✨

        27 replies 106 retweets 3,020 likes
        Show this thread
      22. Joe Pettersson‏ @Joe8Bit 31 Jul 2019

        My consigliere have informed me I should take advantage of this sudden attention to mention @permutive is hiring! We’re like, cool to work for and stuff ❤️

        62 replies 25 retweets 1,033 likes
        Show this thread
      23. End of conversation

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