Jill la Jill

@JillianKarger

Author of a plethora of novels—especially if you count the unfinished ones. Enjoys the word "plethora".

jilliankarger.blogspot.com
Joined February 2012
102 Photos and videos Photos and videos

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  1. Pinned Tweet
    18 Dec 2016

    ME: *drinks protein shake* Am I gonna be ripped now? BF: No, that's not how it— ME: *trapped under recliner I just tried to lift* Help

    7 replies 386 retweets 779 likes
  2. 5 hours ago

    These mannequins are made of the fanciest nightmares that money can buy.

    1 reply 12 retweets 36 likes
  3. Retweeted
    5 hours ago

    [pushing my turtle, Burtle Law Esq. back into my briefcase] not now burt, wait until he asks if I’m representing myself

    10 replies 96 retweets 268 likes
  4. Retweeted
    8 hours ago

    Husband: *choking on a curly fry* Me: *starts panicking* Oh god, oh my GOD! Did you seriously take my last curly fry?!

    2 replies 68 retweets 181 likes
  5. Retweeted
    28 Oct 2015

    What idiot named it RENT instead of Gay Misérables?

    5 retweets 15 likes
  6. Retweeted
    Apr 20

    I'm confused, but I'm interested.

    9 replies 106 retweets 406 likes
  7. Retweeted
    May 1

    Hulk's dramatic sister, Sulk, who is sick and tired of not being included, you guuuuyyyys.

    7 replies 224 retweets 437 likes
  8. 10 hours ago

    [therapy] TONY: I once killed a man ME: I once participated in a group sing-along to the song "La Vie Boheme" from Rent *Everyone hugs Tony*

    6 retweets 11 likes
  9. 10 hours ago
    Replying to

    Thanks for the trophy, ! Maddie is hilarious and everyone should follow her

    Congrats ! picked your tweet as Tweet of the Day:
    1 like
  10. Retweeted
    Jan 28

    My blood type is A+ because I'm the best at everything. Even at having blood.

    25 replies 1,097 retweets 2,365 likes
  11. Retweeted
    Feb 10

    NELLY FURTADO: I’m suing you for stealing my name DEMI LOVATO: But my name is Demi Lovato NELLY: Right DEMI: That’s different NELLY: How

    31 replies 591 retweets 2,047 likes
  12. Retweeted
    Jun 1

    Switch up your swear words to keep them potent. Call someone a piece of fuck. Tell them to go shit themselves. Keep the magic alive.

    45 replies 920 retweets 2,398 likes
  13. Retweeted
    May 26

    Sorry I tried to put a paper cup over your spider tattoo

    8 replies 268 retweets 578 likes
  14. Retweeted
    27 Mar 2015

    HIPSTER COP: *into radio* "We've got a 13-88 in progress...it's a pretty rare crime, you probably wouldn't know it"

    29 replies 2,967 retweets 5,231 likes
  15. Retweeted
    Jun 4

    [November 2030] *at the ocean* "don't forget your oil block, 800 spf sunblock and your radiation suits" Kids: This fish has three heads

    7 replies 96 retweets 203 likes
  16. Retweeted
    May 25

    Everyone leaves the reading of my will in utter shock upon hearing my entire savings was used to purchase 8,329 pizzas to be buried with me.

    1 reply 38 retweets 155 likes
  17. Retweeted
    Jun 4

    [waking up on sunday morning] me: ugh, I can't believe what I did last night *looks around to see piles of perfectly folded laundry*

    3 replies 120 retweets 406 likes
  18. Jun 4

    New Short Post and a Song: Spiders for days/"The Ground Walks, with Time in a Box" by Modest Mouse

  19. Retweeted
    Jun 3

    ; 10/10, would totally watch.

    A Muppet Babies-esque cartoon called Reservoir Pups.
    1 retweet 1 like
  20. Retweeted
    Jan 15

    I love Harry Porter. All of them. Glasses kid. The ginger one. Smart girl. Dolby. The scene when Dumbledort kills Voldermore. Quizzo matches

    31 replies 729 retweets 1,657 likes
  21. Retweeted
    Jun 3

    THESE DUMB ASSHOLES ARE HOLDING LEFT HANDS

    396 replies 46,948 retweets 162,171 likes

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