Jessica ValentiVerified account

wife and i discussed it in length. i think we agreed that it's mostly bad sex, a little too personal (and thus gossipy), he was weird, she was weird; and uh, well, it would do ansari good to be a little less confident and not mess around on the first date.

we think ensuring that there's consent is first priority (my personal style, before i got married, was to never push - if a partner is interested, they'll eventually say it); this should also be in ansari's interest, because to do otherwise makes him liable and exploitable.

i don't know why some men behave as if the sex well is drying up tomorrow and there will never be fucking again. it makes no sense.

I am certainly sympathetic to the woman in this story, I've been 22 and in over my head before. But any serious discussion of this account needs to include the fact that women have something to learn from her experience as well - yet any mention of that seems to be shut down.

You cannot expect someone you just met and texted with to have your best interest at heart. Learning to advocate for yourself and impose standards on who gets your time is part of growing up, and teaching women that should be prioritized as well as teaching men about consent.

It can't just be up to men to learn how to handle themselves in these situations. If I had a daughter I wouldn't want to just cross my fingers that men she dates have been educated about consent.

Women need to be held accountable for their actions just as much as men. Women use sex to control men and get what they want all the time. It goes both ways. You can't control what other people do only what you do and that's the importance of CONSENT.

I was sexually assaulted by a powerful man in the HipHop industry. I am not one for victim-shaming but she is only a victim in her mind. I NEVER got the opportunity to consent. I had to beg and cry to leave. Everything she did, she did willingly. She felt used, understandable.

But a woman shouldn't be able to ruin a man's life because the date didn't go the way she had hoped. I'm sure they guy who took her to the Emmy After party was pleased his date flirted with Aziz & gave him her number! Like I said it goes both ways.

It's interesting reading this as a lesbo, because we aren't socialized like cishet men are, so I've personally never exp this. My straight friend was telling me how guys just keep on pushing and whining trying to wear you down, it's really disturbing and sad.

Yep. That’s what I used to think was normal when I was single and dating(I’m cishet).

I'm sorry, it's absolutely ridiculous

Plus it seems like these guys have never had sex that wasn't grudgingly given just to stop the whining. If that's all your sex, I guess enthusiastic consent seems like an incredibly high bar.

yea I find it strange because it's a huge turn off if I'm getting uncomfortable vibes. Like how is that an enjoyable experience? It's way hotter when a woman is really, really into you.

Yeah but all these guys are clamoring for their dates to be like, "eh, I'm not into it but it I'll do it because you have logic-ed me into a corner. Yes, my listless mouth on your dick means I am totally into all this."