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JesseThorn's profile
Jesse Thorn
Jesse Thorn
Jesse Thorn
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@JesseThorn

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Jesse ThornVerified account

@JesseThorn

@Bullseye Host. @MaxFunHQ founder. @PutThisOn creator. #JJGo host. #JJHo bailiff. Satin for them draws, velvet for the mic and a pound for the cause. (He/Him)

Los Angeles
maximumfun.org
Joined April 2007

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    1. Jesse Thorn‏Verified account @JesseThorn Mar 31

      I'm the parent of a trans kid. I want to clarify what that means (as best I can), because a lot of folks don't know or make incorrect presumptions. Happy #TransDayOfVisibility.

      806 replies 11,104 retweets 55,562 likes
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    2. Jesse Thorn‏Verified account @JesseThorn Mar 31

      My daughter is nine. When she was born, we assumed she was a boy, gave her a boy name, called her "he." We gave her all kinds of toys, she generally preferred the ones our culture associates with boys (like building toys, trucks and robots.)

      71 replies 109 retweets 5,068 likes
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    3. Jesse Thorn‏Verified account @JesseThorn Mar 31

      She hated getting haircuts and always wanted her hair long like my wife's, but we just figured kids hate haircuts. She loved The Jungle Book, especially the part where Baloo the bear dresses up in a hula skirt, but what kid doesn't love that?pic.twitter.com/jCvhd40zfB

      40 replies 70 retweets 4,683 likes
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      Jesse Thorn‏Verified account @JesseThorn Mar 31

      When she started kindergarten, my wife was bathing her. An adult friend of ours had just come out as trans, and my wife mentioned that not all girls have vaginas and not all boys have penises.

      8:55 AM - 31 Mar 2021
      • 84 Retweets
      • 4,596 Likes
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      94 replies 84 retweets 4,596 likes
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        2. Jesse Thorn‏Verified account @JesseThorn Mar 31

          Our daughter asked, "some girls have penises?" My wife said yes. Whether you were a boy or a girl wasn't about your private parts. "I'm a girl with a penis," my daughter said.

          88 replies 116 retweets 5,915 likes
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        3. Jesse Thorn‏Verified account @JesseThorn Mar 31

          All of a sudden all these things that had confused us about her when she was younger made sense. We went to learn about gender and kids - I mean I'm from San Francisco, grew up with a trans neighbor. My wife went to Sarah Lawrence. We were open but pretty ignorant.

          25 replies 74 retweets 5,466 likes
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        4. Jesse Thorn‏Verified account @JesseThorn Mar 31

          At first we called her gender non-conforming, which is an umbrella term for kids who don't fit into the gender binary. We wanted to be able to call "backsies" on the whole thing if she changed her mind. But she was very clear. She was a girl.

          20 replies 76 retweets 5,007 likes
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        5. Jesse Thorn‏Verified account @JesseThorn Mar 31

          Talking to trans friends, I learned why it's so important to clearly tell kids that private parts don't determine gender. Little kids often don't know what "trans" is, so they just assume... well... that they're broken. Give kids some language and they can tell you who they are.

          32 replies 616 retweets 8,426 likes
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        6. Jesse Thorn‏Verified account @JesseThorn Mar 31

          Anyway, she told us her new name, Grace. Actually, she initially said "Grease," but we figured out what she meant. Not the clearest enunciator back then.

          26 replies 58 retweets 5,903 likes
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        7. Jesse Thorn‏Verified account @JesseThorn Mar 31

          She socially transitioned in kindergarten. She had girl play clothes already that she wore at home when she felt like it, but my wife took her to Target to pick out some clothes. She chose a pink and purple My Little Pony dress.

          21 replies 58 retweets 4,986 likes
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        8. Jesse Thorn‏Verified account @JesseThorn Mar 31

          I live in LA. The school administration, teacher and our families were supportive and understanding. Our parents read this book from @GenderSpectrum, which had also helped us. https://amzn.to/3u6zveP 

          12 replies 168 retweets 5,209 likes
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        9. Jesse Thorn‏Verified account @JesseThorn Mar 31

          We still had to (have to) be on guard all the time. Every new care situation (camp, sports, babysitter, friends' parents) had to get a briefing. We had to check every room for jerks. Because being misgendered, or forced to explain yourself is traumatic for a young kid.

          19 replies 113 retweets 6,144 likes
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        10. Jesse Thorn‏Verified account @JesseThorn Mar 31

          We basically had to be the professional trainers for every set of grownups that entered our kids' lives. It was and remains exhausting. I can only imagine what it's like for adult trans and gender non-conforming people.

          14 replies 133 retweets 7,070 likes
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        11. Jesse Thorn‏Verified account @JesseThorn Mar 31

          Trans kids first transition socially. That usually means changing name and pronouns, often manner of dress, hairstyle, all the parts of our lives that are gendered. Bathrooms. Sports teams. Lines coming back from recess.

          10 replies 88 retweets 5,051 likes
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        12. Jesse Thorn‏Verified account @JesseThorn Mar 31

          We hired a therapist. It can be scary to be so different. Trans people are the targets of harassment and violence, and have to find their own way because they have so few peers and role models who are like them. We found ours through LA Gender Center.https://www.lagendercenter.org/ 

          7 replies 101 retweets 4,785 likes
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        13. Jesse Thorn‏Verified account @JesseThorn Mar 31

          We also went to Transforming Family, a program at Children's Hospital of Los Angeles that includes therapists and facilitators for adults and playgroups for kids.https://www.transformingfamily.org/ 

          4 replies 75 retweets 4,230 likes
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        14. Jesse Thorn‏Verified account @JesseThorn Mar 31

          Our kid is nine. Puberty is on the horizon. This year for the first time she saw a doctor who specializes in adolescent medicine for trans kids. We're so grateful we live in LA and have access to caring medical pros who are up on the latest research and standards of care.

          18 replies 73 retweets 5,952 likes
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        15. Jesse Thorn‏Verified account @JesseThorn Mar 31

          When she enters puberty, she'll start taking a pill that prevents testosterone from changing her body. This treatment is safe and reversible, and is also used for kids with "precocious puberty" (puberty that starts too early).

          114 replies 135 retweets 5,911 likes
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        16. Jesse Thorn‏Verified account @JesseThorn Mar 31

          Trans kids take hormone blockers because while stated gender identities are stable starting from the time kids can express them, a ten or eleven-year-old's brain is still growing by leaps and bounds. So long-term decisions about bodies are postponed a bit.

          23 replies 133 retweets 5,205 likes
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        17. Jesse Thorn‏Verified account @JesseThorn Mar 31

          When our kid is in her teens, she'll decide how she feels about her body. She can do nothing and have a "boy's" puberty. She can take hormones and go through a "girl's" puberty. When she's a young adult, she can (if she choses) have surgical interventions.

          58 replies 95 retweets 5,035 likes
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        18. Jesse Thorn‏Verified account @JesseThorn Mar 31

          Plenty of trans young people are comfortable letting their bodies and gender identities be separate issues. Many want others' perceptions of their bodies to match their identities. Lots just know what is the "right" body for them. None of this is determined by parents.

          5 replies 197 retweets 6,117 likes
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        19. Jesse Thorn‏Verified account @JesseThorn Mar 31

          This is the course of action endorsed by doctors, mental health experts, gender experts and kids. It is backed by evidence. Kids whose identities are unsupported have horrible outcomes. Kids whose identities are affirmed have outcomes pretty similar to cisgender kids.

          22 replies 272 retweets 6,971 likes
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        20. Jesse Thorn‏Verified account @JesseThorn Mar 31

          In fact, cisgender kids have had their gender identities affirmed. I am cis, and no one ever tried to call me a girl when I was a kid or call me a girl name. I was always supported in my identity. No one is being "convinced" here. It's a matter of supporting the kids. Parenting.

          11 replies 263 retweets 7,137 likes
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        21. Jesse Thorn‏Verified account @JesseThorn Mar 31

          No parent would try to convince their kid to be gender non-conforming. It is a long, scary, rocky road, even in the best of circumstances. We all want our kids' lives to be smooth and easy. But if your kid is trans, that is unmutable. A parent's choice is whether to support them.

          25 replies 296 retweets 6,820 likes
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        22. Jesse Thorn‏Verified account @JesseThorn Mar 31

          Kids' genders have nothing at all to do with sexuality. (Neither do adults'.) My kids (9, 7 and 4) have never expressed a word of sexuality to me. They're kids. Trans kids and gay kids have some commonalities of experience, but don't conflate those two things.

          7 replies 141 retweets 5,634 likes
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        23. Jesse Thorn‏Verified account @JesseThorn Mar 31

          Many trans kids' trans identities are not public ("stealth"). We decided to be public with our kid's simply because there'd be no way to hide it, given how many funny stories we'd told about her before she transitioned. I try to talk about my experience, not hers.

          4 replies 48 retweets 4,313 likes
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        24. Jesse Thorn‏Verified account @JesseThorn Mar 31

          Generally speaking, the research suggests that kids who have declared their identity ("I am XXXX") have very stable identities. It's very unusual for them to change. If our daughter ever suggested she wasn't a girl, we'd be entirely supportive. She has been very clear, though.

          15 replies 96 retweets 4,824 likes
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        25. Jesse Thorn‏Verified account @JesseThorn Mar 31

          When my daughter transitioned, I realized how tightly I had held her identity as a boy. I'm not exactly Mr. Butch, I didn't have masc goals for her or anything, but I realized how hard it was to let go of my idea of her as a boy. That has helped me understand gender in my life.

          10 replies 92 retweets 5,156 likes
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        26. Jesse Thorn‏Verified account @JesseThorn Mar 31

          I've been grateful to have the partnership of my wife @TheresaThorn. She wrote this beautiful book which explains gender in language any kid can understand. It's so important for kids (cis or trans) to know adults' assumptions don't define them, they do. https://amzn.to/3dohnWR 

          57 replies 384 retweets 6,227 likes
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        27. Jesse Thorn‏Verified account @JesseThorn Mar 31

          Theresa's royalties from the book go to @GenderSpectrum. If there's a trans or gender-non-conforming kid in your life (or classroom, or medical practice or sports team), they have so many wonderful resources that can help you.

          8 replies 95 retweets 4,267 likes
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        28. Jesse Thorn‏Verified account @JesseThorn Mar 31

          Also: I am public about my kid's identity because we had no choice. We're public figures who tell funny stories about our kids sometimes. We'd talked about her as a boy and would necessarily talk about her as a girl, so being public that she was transitioning was our only option.

          73 replies 56 retweets 4,609 likes
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        29. Jesse Thorn‏Verified account @JesseThorn Mar 31

          I don't relish this - I mean I don't post pictures of my kids publicly, try not to say stuff publicly that might make them uncomfortable when they're older, try to talk about *my* experience, not characterize theirs.

          7 replies 36 retweets 2,535 likes
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        30. Jesse Thorn‏Verified account @JesseThorn Mar 31

          And tbh safety is a concern. Had to talk to the security guards at my kid's school about all this, which I didn't love doing.

          2 replies 34 retweets 2,487 likes
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        31. Jesse Thorn‏Verified account @JesseThorn Mar 31

          I am, however, grateful that our public comfort with our kids' identities has led other parents and caregivers within our small sphere of influence to have more context and understanding for kids in their lives who might not be cis. When I hear from people I am so deeply touched.

          9 replies 36 retweets 2,646 likes
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        32. Show replies

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