Off-#Brand

If you fuck without a condom you'll catch all the Pokémon you want

The dude next to me on this bus has literally been shopping online for sheets the entire time. I'm breathless with anticipation.

Fuckable landers in no particular order... 1. High 2. Out 3. Ann

Pokémon Go did 9/11

Does anyone need me to ruin a party today

Yes can you box this up so I can throw it away in my own home later? - my restaurant game

Dear @TGIFridays, yesterday I cried in one of your fine New York locations but it wasn't about your apps which are delicious.

I only cried once while in New York!

A band just walked into this NYC cafe...a band or just 3 similar looking dudes. Probably both.

Dear white youth of New York, I love the privilege you exhibit when choosing to look dirty/unkempt. Keep up the good work my liberal angels.

I've already seen more fuckable men in NY in one hour than I've seen in DC EVER.

There is a guy on my bus to NY who looks like a Jewish Bradley Cooper. Should I convert and fuck him. What's the protocol.

I'm on my way to New York if anyone who has argued with me online wants to argue with me IRL!

Young Dumb and Full of Guns - America

Is it annoying white America, to recognize your racism. Is it??? Well, try being on the receiving end.

First question for #PhilandoCastile 's mother from CNN was about her reaction to Dallas. "My son died 48 hours ago"

Privilege isn't a thing? Well, a cop once let me ride in the front seat with him/use his cell phone to call my mom as he was arresting me.

Having a criminal record doesn't mean shit. That's like saying you can never buy a house because you've always lived in a studio apartment.

Please understand that the only dating app I care about is like mozzarella sticks or buffalo wings