Jeff Kasanoff

@JeffKasanoff

Dying is easy, tweeting is hard 🏳️‍🌈 ✨

Los Angeles, CA
Vrijeme pridruživanja: srpanj 2015.

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  1. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 20 sati
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  2. prije 17 sati

    If they can make commercials good for the Super Bowl, why don’t they just always make them good

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  3. 1. velj

    Fun fact: if anyone ever says the words “I’m not gay” unprompted, they are, in fact, gay

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  4. 1. velj

    My passport photo is so ugly that I get mildly offended when people accept it as my ID

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  5. 31. sij

    Ritually feeling each pocket for your wallet, keys, phone, AirPods: the millennial sign of the cross

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  6. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    Broke: you hate capitalism yet you're on iPhone Woke: you hate capitalism yet *I'm* on iPhone

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  7. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    31. sij

    Kelly Clarkson hit her head on a kitchen cabinet and made it an album cover

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  8. 31. sij

    “There is nothing to cooking. All you do is sit down at an oven and bleed.” - me making a bean and cheese burrito

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  9. 30. sij

    “You look like the guy from You” is the new “You look like Harry Potter” for all nondescript brown-haired white guys

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  10. 29. sij

    People! You can’t message someone you don’t know “hey what’s up” without any purpose or follow up. It’s like if a stranger knocked on your door just to say hello

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  11. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    27. sij

    "Liz Lemon-ing" is when high achievers often with postgrad educations, mortgages, savings and secure jobs at the top of their field run around shouting "look what a fucking state I am sometimes I eat cheese after 10pm what am I like!?" for relateability.

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  12. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    Excited to work on new projects with new friends and old ones at a new home. Come by for pistachios and iced tea, the house snacks.

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  13. 27. sij

    LA is beyond parody - just watched a woman get thrown out of a Target for harassing employees while screaming “DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY FOLLOWERS I HAVE?”

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  14. 26. sij

    The Goop show isn’t bad, but it definitely gets confusing the way they replace all verbs and proper nouns with “Goop,” while Gwyneth says only her own name like a Pokémon

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  15. 22. sij

    The assembly instructions for my $17 Amazon bookshelf:

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  16. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    22. sij

    twitter ~2 weeks from today

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  17. 22. sij

    I made the ultimate IG filter

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  18. 21. sij

    I keep deleting food delivery apps, forgetting to get groceries, then re-downloading them the next day, a.k.a “intermittent fasting”

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  19. 21. sij

    Getting a forehead tattoo that says “My weekend was good!” to save some time at the office

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  20. 21. sij

    Ever since I quit drinking, cleaned up my diet, hit the gym and started lying about my lifestyle I’ve felt amazing :)

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