Jayde O'Brien

@JaydeObrienHQ

I’m not proud of any of this.

Brisbane
Vrijeme pridruživanja: svibanj 2010.

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  1. Prikvačeni tweet
    15. lis 2019.

    I grew up poor but had no idea. I’d brag about my life even, like ‘oh you only get to use a caravan on special holidays? Mate.. I LIVE in one!’

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  2. 2. velj

    An ex once told me I’d never find love but JUST LOOK AT ME NOW! (Texting to see if he knows where I left my keys, cuz homeboy definitely has psychic powers)

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  3. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    31. sij

    I know it's scary but keep in mind that Wuhan Coronavirus only has a 2% fatality rate. I know restaurants with a 2% fatality rate

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  4. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    30. sij

    Whenever I see someone on one of these, I like to imagine they started out with a much larger vehicle and their journey has been riddled with mishaps.

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  5. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    29. sij

    “I’ve CC’d in my boss” - professional - corporate - mildly threatening “You wanna say that in front of Greg?” - confident - threat level 9000 - who is Greg and what is he capable of

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  6. 28. sij

    Me: ‘Conspiracy theories are for idiots’ Also me: *Believes every dude I’ve dated is allergic to latex*

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  7. 27. sij

    I mean yeah it’s embarrassing to get caught watching porn but one time my phone paired to a speaker and I was listening to my own podcast.

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  8. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    24. stu 2017.

    I will go anywhere with you as long as I can stay in the car.

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  9. 26. sij

    Being ghosted - Day 1 - ‘I hope he’s ok!’ Day 3 - ‘He better be dead.’

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  10. 25. sij

    I’m late to the meme party. Deal with it.

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  11. 22. sij

    It’s pretty old fashioned but I definitely sleep better with a man in the house. My insomnia is no match for someone describing the BOM radar to me every night.

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  12. 19. sij

    Dating apps were invented when women saw how expensive it was to get a plumber out after 4pm.

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  13. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    16. sij

    . My 20s: Oh my god. What will I do with my life? Gotta stay on top of my shit. I CAN'T SCREW THIS UP! My 50s: Boy... *slug of scotch*... that didn't go well.

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  14. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    13. sij

    dudes get mad at the “women and children first” rule like women and children made that rule. that’s some tough guy “I ain’t scared to die” bullshit you guys did to yourselves. if you don’t want to go down with the ship then learn how to cry in public you sociopaths.

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  15. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    12. sij

    If you can’t afford anal beads eat marbles and wait

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  16. 11. sij

    Disabled parking permits are for rookies. Get a ‘Police Aware’ sticker and some caution tape.. you can park INSIDE Kmart if you feel like it.

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  17. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    I overhead a woman telling someone a web address and instead of saying "double u double u double u" she just said "Triple W" and it changed my world.

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  18. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    It doesn't matter if you're not attractive, or intelligent, or funny. All that matters is that you give me $40

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  19. 7. sij

    Always douche before a date. (‘Douching’ is when you have sex with a hot D-bag, so you don’t sleep with ‘Mr Right’ straight away).

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  20. 3. sij

    It’s crazy how when a guy doesn’t get my joke it’s because the joke is bad, and everyone who DID get it only pretended because they want to have sex with me. I’m so glad an open micer was available to explain this.

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  21. 1. sij

    I’m now monetising content. Starting today you’ll all get daily videos where I explain conspiracy theories of my own invention (MAN on the moon? The landing was real, Neil Armstrong wasn’t). $10 to unsubscribe. $5 per month to STAY unsubscribed.

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