Fossilized Tree Resin

@Jamberee13

I am Amber but cannot help you resurrect dinosaurs even with the help of a frog. insta:

Vrijeme pridruživanja: lipanj 2016.

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  1. Prikvačeni tweet
    26. pro 2019.

    I want what any woman wants, to shine in the full moon, feathers sprouting grotesquely from my skin and for a man to shout “the crow witch has returned” his voice cracking with visceral fear

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  2. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    28. sij

    FROST: The woods are lovely, dark and deep. ME: You don’t have to go. FROST: But I have promises to keep. ME: You have…you have woods-related promises? FROST: And miles to go before I sleep. ME: Alright. FROST: And miles to go before I sleep. ME: Yep, heard you the first time.

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  3. I keep drawing raven haired women that, in my own mind, I’ve imagined to be seers.

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  4. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 23 sata

    Me: *dies and enters heaven* Steve Irwin: *jumping on an angel and grappling it onto its back* See how his wings are just flapping? That’s a good sign of a healthy temper.

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  5. Me: *being dragged away from kangaroo enclosure* Zoo employee: what was she doing? Security guard: *produces confiscated container of frosting* no idea Me: ᴰ ᵘ ⁿ ᵏ ᵃ ʳ ᵒ ᵒ

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  6. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 4 sata

    Shingles are a pox on your house

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  7. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    21. sij

    Tfw she says she’s 5’8” on her tinder bio but you show up and she’s actually an ancient crow witch seeking revenge for the destruction of a northern forest village

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  8. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    18. sij

    How to know she’s into you: -laughs at your jokes -casual physical contact -releases the binding another witch has placed on your powers -encases your enemy in thorn covered branches

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  9. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    30. sij

    I’ve never been called “baby” by a man but I have been called “terrifying”, “menacingly silent” and “how long have you been standing in the dark”

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  10. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    *kangaroo mom vacuuming cheetos dust and old cheerios out of the lining of her pouch*

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  11. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 9 sati

    Me: I won a trip to Australia! Him: outback? Me: nah, online

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  12. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 11 sati

    Crocodile Dundee: you call that a knife? me: yes Dundee: what do you call this? me: a fork

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  13. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 10 sati

    [first day at marketing company] client: i need help naming my australian sheepskin boot company me: UGH client: yes i love it! me: *not listening* so many spiders there

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  14. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 11 sati

    It’s cute that all these dudes are picking their preference between Shakira and JLo as if they wouldn’t be lucky to even score a date with either of their hair dressers’ twice divorced aunt

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  15. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    14. sij

    Many creatures can release their feathers or tails to escape from a struggle, yet here I am constantly struggling and all my limbs remain attached? What the hell.

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  16. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 12 sati

    me: so the eagles could have solved the ring problem in minutes but just didn't want to him: uh me: and then swooped in at the last minute to rescue frodo and sam and we are supposed to treat them like the heroes him: ma'am please this is a bird sanctuary put the gun down

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  17. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 22 sata

    Me: With holes, the whole thing is the hole, not just the top opening Wife: I guess Me: Like if you drop something down a hole it ‘hits the bottom of the hole’ Wife: ...Uh-huh Me: So the end of my butthole is my mouth

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  18. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    Friend: Do you wanna come with me to Australia? Me: Ah sorry, I cant take off work Friend: I’m just nervous because they say everything there is trying to kill you Me: *suddenly holding a packed suitcase* We should get to the airport early

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  19. Me: holy hell thats a huge spider Every Australian: that? That’s just the hugeassmurder spider, what you really need to watch out for is the ohgodpleasenooo spider, they lure you to a deep forest clearing and raise a demon using your blood. Don’t worry, they mostly stay outdoors

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  20. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 24 sata

    me: keep your friends close and your enemies closer gf: yeah you said that but there’s like 20 people in bed with us now

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  21. 2. velj

    This is now a Darkpaw appreciation thread

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