Jack Lassiter

Look at family pictures. The old kind, from Kmart or whatever, with the ferns and the cheesy cloth backdrop. Look at the hands of the parents and the older siblings. If they're at all squeezing the necks of the smaller subjects in the photo, they're most likely a psychopath.

Twitter's a cesspool. But I tweeted (I hate the sound of that) something suggesting that we give vegans a break for trying to wrap false nutritional realities around what they feel to be a legit ethical imperative (reduce animal suffering). Folks liked it. Let's all talk nice.

Maybe I choose not to eat meat because I'm not a MURDERER!!! Maybe I didn't vote for Hillary because I want a FUTURE FOR OUR CHILDREN!!! Maybe I care about the ENVIRONMENT! Maybe I recognize that the FAMILY UNIT IS ESSENTIAL FOR... Maybe it's time to speak with love and kindness.

You might beat brushy. But you ain't gonna beat those mountains.

The Barkley Marathon is a cult in motion.

Someone who is a regular, huge-fan visitor of Nashville told me that it's no longer a country music town. "It's all about hip-hop now." That's sad. There is brillant hip-hop, as there is brillant disco, etc. But does everything now have to be about hip-hop? What about diversity?

Watching men land, and walk, on the moon, the Super Bowl—these things we do together remind us of the fact that there is, as always, the attainable reality of hoisting a boulder of gold out of the murk, if only we had the bravery to do it together.

She's a pretty good actor. Her stand up? Maybe not so much. But as a quarter back? I don't know. I think Janeane Garofalo has maybe found her calling. I mean, she's in the Super Bowl!

Two thoughts: Despite her lackluster stand up, Janeane Garofalo is a pretty decent quarterback. Also: Saucony shoes. Seriously? A biodegradable shoe as a selling point? Compost you can wear? "Saucony. Rock the Rot." For $90, I'll take shoes that last. Dismiss the Millenials.

Bill Maher said that the Imp Trial represents the end of democracy. So what? Benny Franklin said that democracy is two wolves and a lamb deciding what to have for lunch. There may be in the world educated people who can articulate their love for democracy; I've not yet met one.

Consider the land and terrain. Consider your sacred identity, and how it and that of your new chosen home will necessarily confluence into a roiling stream of experience, which, in the act of death, will run seamlessly into the forgetful sea.

Prettiest US State name?A: Virginia. Ugliest?: New York. The South has always had this advantage over the North. Which blind date is preferable: Massachusetts or Georgia? Washington or Arizona? The South states sound like pretty girls. The north:ugly boys. But then there's Texas.

A false black widow at a Vegas "scary spider" convention stepped into an elevator with an bona fide black widow. Pretty awkward.

An elephant can drink a bathtub of water in just five minutes. But they typically don't for a couple of reasons. 1) Feels like showing off 2) It just feels weird drinking from a bathtub.

If I were a barn owl, I probably wouldn't even bother hanging out with turkeys. I get it: they're birds too. But let's face it, most turkeys are jerks.

A vampire bat can drink it's body weight in blood every night, but most chose not too because that's too openly "vampiry."

Binged D. Abbey. I mean, I mainlined the Dowager's quips. Mary's eyebrows just kept getting higher. But now it's over, and I'm chippin' something fierce. Does anyone have a methadone bandaid for this pain that I'm feelin'? Need More Downtown Abbey! Stat! (p.s., already saw movie)

David Foster Wallace's "lit the stars" in "This is Water" is a Dylon Thomas reference. Sorry to state the obvious.

Gravity always wins.

Everything u'r talking about, everything you worry about, everything you dream about—good and bad—everything you lust after is about connecting to Nature. You see something extraordinary happening all around you and you want to play a role. There is a word for that: significance