Midwest catastrophic failure

@J_Goody7921

Just another loser wasting my life away on this site. Also, I am really bad at this (everything). Beware! don't enlarge the AVI!

Somewhere near Barstow
Vrijeme pridruživanja: rujan 2011.

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  1. Prikvačeni tweet

    I am just another introvert trying to not make a name for myself.

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  2. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    3. velj

    who called it a voicemail and not a boomer-rang

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  3. The Count's favorite songs: 1. One 2. Love me 2 times 3. 3 is a magic number . 9. Cloud 9 . . 45. 45 . . 55. 100 in a 55 . . 69. Nice!

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  4. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    6. sij

    Him: I’m sorry, socks in bed are kind of a deal breaker Me: wow My sock puppet: WOW

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  5. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    2. velj

    [first day as a judge] Me: *bangs gavel* Gavel: *makes me a sandwich*

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  6. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    2. velj

    C'mere, we have some limits to push.

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  7. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    2. velj
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  8. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    I’ll masturbate to videos of myself masturbating. IDGAF.

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  9. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    2. velj

    Today is a Great Day! Don’t let anyone F up your Vibe... Ever.

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  10. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    2. velj

    My safe word is extra cheese ...in queso emergency.

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  11. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    2. velj

    Question for my Canadian friends: is there a separate counter at your DMV to get a Zamboni license or do you just go through the normal line?

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  12. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    2. velj

    I bet Andy Reid’s mustache always smells like an Italian sub sandwich

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  13. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    2. velj

    Sliding into her DMs like: ‘Hi’ or ‘Hey’. -Unoriginal -No -Has that literally ever worked? Sliding into her DMs like: ‘It’s all gravy, baby.’ -Suave -Well that’s new -Implies you might have gravy. Ladies love gravy.

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  14. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    2. velj

    Girl are you the coronavirus cause you make me sick.

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  15. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    2. velj

    Hot boss: come in my office Me: I thought HR frowned on that sort of thing?

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  16. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    2. velj

    Mute the fuck out of your TV during the Superbowl halftime show today... Do it for Jesus.

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  17. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    13. sij

    Don’t be fragile like a flower, be fragile like a bomb

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  18. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    22. sij

    Doctor: what kind of birth control are you using? Me: just my personality

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  19. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    1. velj

    *puts 4 empty bags of shredded cheese on the checkout counter Cashier: d-did you eat these here?

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  20. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    22. ruj 2018.

    I'm basically human glitter; I'll haunt you forever but like in a surprisingly fun way.

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  21. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    1. velj

    I'm sorry I asked if you fucked Gollum when you showed me your baby but, in my defense, you said he looks just like his daddy.

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