For example, I just read a comic where a dude has sex with a woman who just happens to be in a spooky cave. Okay. Today, I had a movie on where a man who is already trapped in a haunted escape room just goes with it when a woman crawls out of a lake and starts groping him.
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This woman just emerged from this lake, slowly rising from the crown of her head. She said nothing. No explanation for why she's there or, more importantly, why there is A MEADOW WITH A LAKE inside AN ESCAPE ROOM in A SMALL TOWN. This guy is just like, 'cool.'pic.twitter.com/7VaY0G51mO
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Species: Dude walks into his hotel room to find a woman there, who claims she stole the key to his room because she saw him in the lobby and thought he was hot. HE FINDS NOTHING WRONG WITH THIS SCENARIO. SPOILER: HE DIES.
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In the Gecko brothers' defense, while many things should have seemed odd about the Titty Twister, I get it.pic.twitter.com/MBKT8FYYpG
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Hello, sexy lady in an alley. What could go wrong? Certainly, you wouldn't turn me into a vampire.pic.twitter.com/O1Ay8gO0dJ
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She's never expressed an interest in me before but I guess now is the time to follow her to an abandoned house even though she's acting suuuuper weird.pic.twitter.com/z5uFXSgXF6
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Did the doctor ressurrect Julia Cotton without any skin by sacrificing a patient to a bloody mattress? Yes. Does she need to eat people to grow flesh? Yes. Will he follow her to Hell anyhow? ....yes.pic.twitter.com/898tY4jJ5O
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Look, I am not impervious to this. These two invite me to dinner, I'm done.pic.twitter.com/FBwtguMtSG
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Now seems like a good time to give a shout-out to Neil Howie of Wicker Man, who should have had sex, but didn't.pic.twitter.com/nca7oosogb
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Okay, listen, yes, I'm dead here also. Sorry, can't resist a throuple.pic.twitter.com/nNQ1Febx21
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Laurie from Trick r Treat with the reverse psychology. Good for her.pic.twitter.com/7FIpdEdGj1
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Just two ordinary teens you should definitely invite into your home while your wife and kids are out of town.pic.twitter.com/GzgN02KDjS
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Just an ordinary teacher who is inexplicably interested in teenage virgin boys and definitely not a praying mantis monster.pic.twitter.com/kJJ1P668Ns
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Something is off here, but I guess she should be my bride!pic.twitter.com/NMjzoCI7GX
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Okay, I'm back, let's do more sexy monsters. Which, really, how much time do you have? Many cultures have a cautionary tale sexy monster who will seduce you and eat you, often to serve as a deterrent from abandoning your duties or being horny.
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The baobhan sith gets you when you have horny thoughts. The patasola gets you in the wilderness. The sayona gets cheaters. A lot of sexy monsters are just hungry. The folklore is to try to encourage you to NOT be seduced by a sexy monster, but as many of you have shown...
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Here's Jim Carrey, about to make a big mistake from which, ironically, only sex can save him.pic.twitter.com/VVgbNmNI6R
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A beautiful woman wants to go home with you from a bar. Chances are she's probably not a many-tailed fox monster who feeds on horny dudes, right? I mean, the odds...pic.twitter.com/N6oOIFTnUQ
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I didn't initially include this one because someone else mentioned it right away, but for the sake of thread: JACK, WHY WOULD A RANDOM NUDE WOMAN WHO WANTS TO KISS YOU BE IN THIS HAUNTED BATHTUB?pic.twitter.com/2lHSjbLOJc
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I interrupt this thread to let you know that someone just DMed me to ask for feet pics. I assume it's to confirm I am not a patasola.
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It Follows is one of my favorite horror movies. In which three men on a boat have sex with a random woman who appears, who couldn't possibly be transferring a demonic STD to them to buy herself more time.pic.twitter.com/0bB5FDEzeJ
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Drusilla just had to recite Spike's own poem back to him and he's like, 'yeah, turn me!' Anyhow, these three are why I can't resist monster throuples. I mean, could you? COULD YOU?pic.twitter.com/aDSw7WTiBA
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The Mortuary Collection has a subversive little tale about this woman, whose victim gets what he deserves. I don't see this anthology film talked about much, but I think it's cool.pic.twitter.com/jM8NFKjjE0
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Does the Love Witch have magical powers, or are men just unable to handle her charms?! Why not go to a random Ren Faire about it?pic.twitter.com/NK20aELSYu
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Okay, so some of you want to talk about Splice. This one doesn’t even make sense because the sexy monster is… basically his daughter he grew in his lab who has a tail with a stinger and wings. Also, he's married. To her mother. And yet...pic.twitter.com/k37QIwqwS7
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I admittedly did not finish The Girl on the Third Floor cuz I was so annoyed this man cheated on his wife with what I presume is a ghost. Does it go poorly for him?pic.twitter.com/397tue2YE5
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Adult Goth, Horror Enthusiast
Now sharing occult/monster fact every time I'm mad about health insurance!
Hire me/pitches: jbrylah@gmail.com