My family and I refer to Séan (my name while I was trans) as if he's a separate person. My sister might say “Séan was so angry,” or I'll say “Séan had my back.” If someone's unaware I was Séan and asks who he is, I say “Oh, I was Séan,” and I realize how fucking nuts it sounds.
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Do you ever think that the family may not have liked the girl standing up for herself, so she put all the traits they discouraged into the creation of Sean?
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I have thought about that, yes. A very unpleasant thought that sadly may have some truth to it.
End of conversation
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Perhaps Sean was like a shadow of all you felt you couldn't be? I used to have an alter ego in mania episodes to explore aspects of myself I suppressed. She swore, was flirty, was confident, had attitude. Her name was Randy. I don't need to be her anymore.
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