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Nobody ever asked her how she was. Nobody ever checked in to see how she was handling the loss of her youngest daughter. People just kept saying “good for her,” while she cried herself to sleep after looking at my baby pictures. 4/8
My mum didn't question or challenge me because she didn't want to lose me. The gender clinic had no such pressure. It was their job to question and challenge me – to evaluate my (clearly) poor mental health and treat me accordingly. Instead, they handed me HRT and surgery. 5/8
I'll never forget my mums face when I showed her the result of my double mastectomy. She physically recoiled, but then pulled herself together to support me. But I'll never forget the horror in her face when she saw her physically healthy daughters bloody, bandaged chest. 6/8
Today, my wonderful mum is still by my side, and has been equally supportive of my detransition. But I'll never forget the pain I put her through, the expectations I had – that she forget her beloved daughter and welcome her new son without question. 7/8
The parents of trans people receive so little support or compassion. It is not transphobic for you to grieve, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I used to say “I'm still me!” but I wasn't. Transition changes you, and your loved ones will be the first to notice that. 8/8
Thank you! I have not read of anyone talking about the parents.
I wish I could hug your mum! Well done you for being so perceptive even while going through your own struggles xx
Your mum sounds like an amazing woman. Nobody ever talks about the effect of kids transitioning on their parents except to call them transphobic if they have reservations. Thank you for sharing this...its been very enlightening.
I'm so sorry for this obvious malpractice that has become the standard in what is supposed to be a science-based field. I KNOW that had I grown up in today's world, some prick with a clipboard would've told me I was a boy. I would've believed him due to my severe mental state.
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