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"Fuck it," I thought. "Go ahead." So she put make up on me and did my hair and gave me a dress. I acted elated because I knew how much it meant to her, to have her wee sister back to do these things with But honesty, I don't need any of that stuff to feel like a woman again 2/x
At the beginning of my detransition when I was hyper self-conscious, sure. But I'm good, I've embraced my female masculinity Make-up & dresses are fine if that's your thing but women shouldn't feel like they have to look like that. When you're detrans, it can feel necessary 3/x
So Christmas dinner ends, it's time to go home. "Oh shit," I think. My boyfriend's going to see me like this. What if he expects this all the time now? I don't want to be feminine from now on, that's not me. What if he thinks I'm ugly without all this now? How'd he react? 4/x
He was so complimentary, but could tell I just wanted to wash off the make-up and get into my jeans and hoody. He knows that's not me. I asked him "do you wish I looked like this more?" And he said "if any of this mattered, would I have fallen for you as you normally are?" 5/x
So, I washed off the make-up, revealing my stubble. I took off the dress, revealing my double mastectomy scars. I took off the hair clip, revealing my thinning hair and baldy bit. And you know what? 6/x
I felt good. I felt good because that's who I am, and that's who my boyfriend fell in love with. He hugged me and told me I was beautiful and that I didn't need any of that stuff, no make-up or dresses or wigs, so I shouldn't feel pressured to put them on. 7/x
And that was that. We still get mistaken as a gay couple now and again, but we laugh about it. I think learning to be yourself, but also learning to laugh at yourself and not take life too seriously, always worrying etc, is the most important lesson I've ever learned 8/8
It's still there sometimes, and occasionally I have bad days. But who doesn't have bad days? I think I'm very close to saying my dysphoria has went away on its own.
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