I can't say what the global experience of being diagnosed with gender dysphoria is. I can, however, tell you what I went through for the diagnosis, and what the subsequent referral for HRT and surgery was like. 1/8
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I was 24, severely depressed with a drinking problem, had attempted suicide, and had had an "episode" which required hospitalisation on a psych ward when I was evaluated at the gender clinic. I was prescribed and was injecting T within months. 2/8
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I thought transition would cure whatever had caused my problems. So did my psychiatrist. To his credit, he had no way of knowing otherwise. I genuinely believe he, and the gender team who looked at my case, thought they were doing best by me. They were the professionals. 3/8
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I got my double mastectomy in 2017, when I was 26. I was elated. Surely, this would make me better - the man I should have been born as. This would make me happy - the real, male, me. But no. 4/8
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I began detransition in 2019, after a year of newfound self-hatred, intensified depression and regret. It took me a long time to get over myself. A very long time. To stop blaming the doctors and psychiatrists. I did this. This was my doing. 5/8
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I made the appointment at the gender clinic. I attended those appointments. I injected testosterone into my leg every 3 weeks. I traveled miles to get the mastectomy. Nobody forced me. I did this, and I'll live with the results for the rest of my life. 6/8
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How could a 20-something adult make those mistakes, I often think? And I was an *adult*, I won't make excuses for myself. I was *certain* transition would help me. But it didn't. It made everything worse, and I didn't understand why. 7/8
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Now at the end of 2020, I have worked through a lot. I should never have transitioned. I accept responsibility for what I've done. I'll speak about it, again & again, for other dysphoric people to consider before they make the same mistake. Not everyone regrets, but many do. 8/8
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