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So, turned to the internet. I spent hours every night obsessively reading “How to Pass” guides. What haircut to get, what clothes to wear, how to bind, how to walk and talk. How to succeed at the goal that now defined my life – how to pass as male 3/6
Every day, I realize more and more that I wasn’t learning to “be the real me" - the reply I'd parrot to those who asked why I wanted to transition. Instead, I was learning to “be what a man should be” Being seen as a woman meant failure. Being a woman, to me, meant failure 4/6
My insidious hatred for womanhood grew under these conditions. I now know that failing to pass didn’t upset me because it meant I wasn’t a man, it upset me because it reminded me that I was, in fact, a woman. Despite how much I wished otherwise 5/6
Since realizing all of this, I’ve been on a journey of self-acceptance. Detransitioning, learning to not only accept that I’m a woman, but also learning to love that fact as well. If I can learn to love and accept myself, anyone can. 6/6
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