Watson

I used to stare at myself, meticulously picking apart everything that was wrong – everything that made me a woman. My discomfort with myself gradually turned into resentment and eventually, hatred. My own reflection stirred up extreme emotions, anything from panic to rage 2/6

So, turned to the internet. I spent hours every night obsessively reading “How to Pass” guides. What haircut to get, what clothes to wear, how to bind, how to walk and talk. How to succeed at the goal that now defined my life – how to pass as male 3/6

Every day, I realize more and more that I wasn’t learning to “be the real me" - the reply I'd parrot to those who asked why I wanted to transition. Instead, I was learning to “be what a man should be” Being seen as a woman meant failure. Being a woman, to me, meant failure 4/6

My insidious hatred for womanhood grew under these conditions. I now know that failing to pass didn’t upset me because it meant I wasn’t a man, it upset me because it reminded me that I was, in fact, a woman. Despite how much I wished otherwise 5/6