I'm sceptical of that explanation* but I'm pro legalising sex work. * an economist explained terrorism as being related to richer Muslim men having access to "all" the women, while poorer men did not. Doesn't explain bin laden tho.
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I think the point about wanting validation was a key insight. They were dicks to *me* because I wasn't the "type" they wanted validation/approval from, even though they liked me or even loved me. It wasn't enough.
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Yes! Pulling that back even further, it seems to me a lot of this isn't even abt their own sexual or romantic wants, but feeling they fall short of social expectations - feeling like they're "losers" b/c they "can't get X, Y or Z." That's a toxic construct we can change!
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I worry that the culture of self-improvement..even startup culture compounds this feeling of not measuring up. Getting comfortable with never feeling "X enough" may be the most useful skill I'm still learning.
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Or, conversely, the decline of the steady, reliable, non-creative, non-professional path to a middle-class life - straight-forward work, using finite skills learned on the job or in school. Now, success requires constant reinvention.
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I think this is a *LOT* of pressure for most men. Heck, I am, by most standards, pretty darn successful career-wise for someone my age & it's a lot of pressure for me! Add to this, feeling your lack of financial success also contributes to your lack of romantic success? Yikes!
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But also, I don’t know how it is in Canada, but in the UK sex is not seen as “giving something away” for women. You either feel like it or not, so there’s no incentive to only be with someone “worthy” of sex. It’s not negatively linked to our value.
End of conversation
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