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IMAO_'s profile
Frank J. Fleming
Frank J. Fleming
Frank J. Fleming
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@IMAO_

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Frank J. FlemingVerified account

@IMAO_

Novelist and Senior Writer for @TheBabylonBee. Married to @preptodye and we have 4 kids, youngest with DS. I'm trying to be more Christ-like. Or trying to try.

Austin, TX
frankjfleming.com
Joined January 2009

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    Frank J. Fleming‏Verified account @IMAO_ 25 May 2019

    Time for me to rant about The Silmarillion. I thought “hey, this will be some neat background stories that add color to the The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings.” I was wrong on so many levels.

    8:35 AM - 25 May 2019
    • 1 Retweet
    • 28 Likes
    • Domestic Texter Eliyahu Switzer Bunny *abolish voter suppression* Pierce John Vonk Justin Hammer Meersbeers Scott Karren Ron Sonic, Vanilla Gorilla at Large Extraordinary Machine ᴀᴅᴏʀᴀʙᴜɪʟᴛ™
    11 replies 1 retweet 28 likes
      1. New conversation
      2. Frank J. Fleming‏Verified account @IMAO_ 25 May 2019

        First of all, it’s not stories. It reminded me most of early parts of Genesis, but that’s overselling it. It’s more like J.R.R. Tolkien wrote Wikipedia-level plot summaries of stories only he ever read.

        4 replies 0 retweets 8 likes
        Show this thread
      3. Frank J. Fleming‏Verified account @IMAO_ 25 May 2019

        There’s barely any description of anyone or anything. A person that’s been mentioned for a hundred pages will die with the sentence “he was slain.”

        1 reply 0 retweets 4 likes
        Show this thread
      4. Frank J. Fleming‏Verified account @IMAO_ 25 May 2019

        The Silmarillion is also a constant vomit of names you have no idea how to pronounce and have no idea how to keep track of.

        2 replies 1 retweet 6 likes
        Show this thread
      5. Frank J. Fleming‏Verified account @IMAO_ 25 May 2019

        Example sentence: “There was small love between the Edain and the Easterlings, and they met seldom; for the newcomers abode long in East Beleriand, but Hador’s folk were shut in Hithlum, and Bëor’s house was wellnigh destroyed.”

        3 replies 0 retweets 4 likes
        Show this thread
      6. Frank J. Fleming‏Verified account @IMAO_ 25 May 2019

        You’re constantly like “Have I seen these names before, or are these new ones?” It’s impossible to follow unless you keep a notebook with you and keep referring back to it. There are thousands of names of people, places, factions.

        1 reply 0 retweets 6 likes
        Show this thread
      7. Frank J. Fleming‏Verified account @IMAO_ 25 May 2019

        Also, important people tend to have multiple names for some reason, which Tolkien moves between at reckless abandon just to make things more confusing. At times, this seemed like an Andy Kaufman-esque joke on me.

        3 replies 0 retweets 8 likes
        Show this thread
      8. Frank J. Fleming‏Verified account @IMAO_ 25 May 2019

        Also, Tolkien doesn’t like commas for some reason, which means you’ll confusingly have two made up names jammed together and mistakenly thing they’re one name. “with the hilt-shard of Narsil Isildur cut the Ruling Ring from the hand of Sauron”

        1 reply 0 retweets 4 likes
        Show this thread
      9. Frank J. Fleming‏Verified account @IMAO_ 25 May 2019

        And that was a bad example sentence, because that involves things you’ve heard of and care about if you’ve read Lord of the Rings. 90% of what’s in the book has no direct bearing on anything from Lord of the Rings.

        2 replies 0 retweets 3 likes
        Show this thread
      10. Frank J. Fleming‏Verified account @IMAO_ 25 May 2019

        The main story is about these powerful rocks or something called the Silmarils made from some powerful pre-elf. Then Morgoth (also Melkor, because confusing), the Satan of Middle Earth, takes those rocks. Eventually he is defeated when everyone decides to defeat him.

        2 replies 0 retweets 4 likes
        Show this thread
      11. Frank J. Fleming‏Verified account @IMAO_ 25 May 2019

        I’m making this sound way more interesting than it is.

        1 reply 0 retweets 10 likes
        Show this thread
      12. Frank J. Fleming‏Verified account @IMAO_ 25 May 2019

        You do get a little bit more background on Sauron, but not much. Early on he decided to follow Morgoth because he... wanted to be evil, I guess. You don’t get really any color on that.

        2 replies 0 retweets 4 likes
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      13. Frank J. Fleming‏Verified account @IMAO_ 25 May 2019

        In fact, you get no more background details about anything you would actually care about. The very last part give a bit more details on the rings and the One Ring, but not much.

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
        Show this thread
      14. Frank J. Fleming‏Verified account @IMAO_ 25 May 2019

        For instance, I was curious about the hobbits and how they ended up in their peaceful, isolated existence. Hobbits are literally mentioned on just one page. “There were hobbits. No one paid attention to them. Eventually one of them got the One Ring.” That’s it. That’s all you get

        1 reply 0 retweets 5 likes
        Show this thread
      15. Frank J. Fleming‏Verified account @IMAO_ 25 May 2019

        Maybe more details on wizards like Gandalf and what’s their deal? Nope. Last ten pages it just says wizards appeared for some reason and were kind of powerful. No more details.

        1 reply 0 retweets 3 likes
        Show this thread
      16. Frank J. Fleming‏Verified account @IMAO_ 25 May 2019

        But if you wants hundreds of pages of mechanical description of the not very relevant adventures of Elrond’s great grandfather surrounded in a sea of names you can’t pronounce, The Silmarillion has you covered.

        2 replies 1 retweet 6 likes
        Show this thread
      17. Frank J. Fleming‏Verified account @IMAO_ 25 May 2019

        So, just for Tolkien super fans. Strangely, I now want to reread it because I think I’ll understand it better the second time.

        8 replies 0 retweets 10 likes
        Show this thread
      18. End of conversation

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