IC off the Record

Remember the Sony hack? That was us. Sorry.

You know that new Cyber thing Obama announced today? It's all bullshit. Just a new way for us to keep reading your emails.

Oh FFS, John Schindler, aka @20committee, is emailing pics of his cock again ... to @joshuafoust.

Hey @bartongellman think you can pick up a pizza & come down to Ft Meade & help review a few million gigs of emails sitting on my desktop?

.@elilake is such an awesome reporter. Keith and I appreciate his stenography.

Lying to the media is fun.

So one of the major reforms to our surveillance programs is that we're only going to read your emails every other day.

.@AngelaMerkel_ Hey Angie. Battery is running low on your cell phone. Just fyi.

Just had dinner with Vice Adm Rogers, Keith's replacement at NSA. He's such a fantastic liar.

Right now everyone here is trying to collect as many emails and metadata as possible just in case Pres. Obama tells us to stop.

Damn, last time Keith and I lied like that we were testifying before Congress. #FF @60Minutes

Know why Keith and I haven't tweeted for a while? We were reading your emails.

Did y'all see how we just released a whole bunch of documents that will provide you with absolutely 0 insight into why we're spying on you?

Hahahaha! That email you just wrote is funny.

Vice Adm Michael Rogers, Keith's potential replacement at #NSA, is an honorable man but he's not as good a liar as Keith. This really sucks.

So bad news & good news. Bad news is Keith is leaving #NSA. Good news is that @ggreenwald tapped him as natsec editor for his new venture.

Sorry for the long absence. We were busy lying. Oops! Meant "spying."

Keywords used by the American public in emails that raises red flags for our analysts: "Hi" "Dear Mom" "What's up?" "Have plans tonight?"

Before you read the documents just released about our vast spying on your phone calls and emails just know this: it was all Keith's idea.