Michael  

@Home_Halfway

Producer & booking manager of in Chicago.

Chicago, IL
Vrijeme pridruživanja: lipanj 2012.

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  1. Prikvačeni tweet
    14. lip 2019.

    Twitter is great if you can't afford therapy but you also don't want to get any better.

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  2. prije 3 sata

    DEALING WITH A LIFE-ALTERING ISSUE: I'll be fine, we can figure it out DEALING WITH TINY INSIGNIFICANT ISSUE: Everything sucks and I want to die

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  3. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 23 sata

    Top 5 reasons I know I'm ready to be a parent: 1) I'm a clean freak 2) I'm a germaphobe 3) Loud noises irritate me 4) I sleep 7-9 hours every night 5) I need a lot of "me" time to function

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  4. prije 4 sata

    Sometimes it can be more than just the jungle that will "bring you down." Hi, I'm Axl Rose, here to talk to you today about depression

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  5. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 5 sati

    Teacher: That region is called Oceania because it’s mostly ocean Me: Makes sense Teacher: The one large island is called Australia Me [crossing out Landeania] obviously

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  6. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 5 sati

    david attenborough: lookit this cute little defenseless creature :) me: aw [low intense violins start playing] david attenborough: lookit this deceptively cute predator :) me: david no david attenborough: circle of life :) me: :(

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  7. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    4. kol 2018.

    Why yes internet stranger, I have tweets that contradict each other. It's a timeline, not a deposition

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  8. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 6 sati

    “Kansas City Chiefs” - insensitive to Native Americans - only have one kind of bowl - at least they’re not Washington? “Kansas City Chefs” - woah baby - this fucking rules - vast assortment of bowls - what ya whipping up in the kitchen? - can i have some

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  9. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    doctor: we're putting you in a cast me: [a struggling actor] will I have any lines?

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  10. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    Hugh Jackman: *crying at his dining room table* Crikey! His Wife: What’s wrong? Hugh: *pawing at his food with his knuckles* It won’t work! It’s not cutting! His Wife: Hugh we’ve been over this. You don’t have your claws anymore, you need to use a fork and knife.

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  11. prije 23 sata

    Top 5 reasons I know I'm ready to be a parent: 1) I'm a clean freak 2) I'm a germaphobe 3) Loud noises irritate me 4) I sleep 7-9 hours every night 5) I need a lot of "me" time to function

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  12. 3. velj

    At what age does babynut grow a monocle

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  13. 2. velj

    Dear Democrats, Shut the fuck up and unify. Love ya, Michael

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  14. 2. velj
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  15. 2. velj

    I'm a real renaissance man (I'll die of gangrene at a young age)

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  16. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    14. lip 2019.

    Twitter is great if you can't afford therapy but you also don't want to get any better.

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  17. 1. velj

    Jean-Luc Picard is short for Jean-Luc Pick A Card Any Card

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  18. 1. velj

    Sorry for yelling "crying is for the weak" at your baby

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  19. 1. velj

    If you dont shoot your sandwich to split it in half you're not an American

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  20. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    Look. I like meeting strangers from this thing. (not pictured: the rest of Twitter dot com)

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  21. 1. velj
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