Orli Matlow

@HireMeImFunny

Comedian, Writer. If self-deprecation were a game I'd probably lose.

NYC/ orlimatlow@gmail.com
orlimatlow.com
Joined November 2010
187 Photos and videos Photos and videos

Tweets

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  1. 9 hours ago

    Sometimes I put in the wrong passcode so my phone vibrates and I can pretend I got a text

    1 retweet 1 favorite
  2. 12 hours ago

    "Back in my day the government would find you a job... But it usually involved the firearms... Vietnam, is what I'm saying."- alum c/o '66

  3. 16 hours ago

    Sorry I'm late, I'm still on Daylight Savings Time

  4. May 29

    Too stressed to be blessed

  5. May 29

    Turns out Max and Men go to the same anger management clinic

  6. May 28

    Illegit; Will quit

  7. May 28

    Coma toes state (noun): when your foot's asleep

  8. May 28

    When you get your period and are like "Awww man! But i haven't accomplished anything yet this month"

    1 favorite
  9. May 28

    Pinned Tweet

  10. May 28

    (At risk of sounding like Maron's ex-fangirlfriend Jessica) My celebrity crush . How was Gadna?

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  11. May 28

    This year's ties with last year's for Lamest Outcome.

  12. May 28

    to last year's World Cup at the German Victory Parade with FIFA representatives reveling in moral ambiguity!

    7:44 PM - 28 May 2015 · Details
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  13. May 28 Manhattan, NY

    Home is wherever I'm with you @ Times Square NYC

  14. May 28

    You had me at hello

    2:54 PM - 28 May 2015 · Details
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  15. Orli Matlow followed , , and 11 others
  16. May 27

    Schindler's Listicle

    1 favorite
  17. May 27

    I take rejection real bad I need a Silence of the Lambs-style skin suit to thicken my skin

  18. May 27

    *not a joke glorifying the prison-industrial complex but rather commenting on millennial uncertainty/existential malaise

    1 favorite
  19. May 27

    Maybe I should go to prison so I'll know what the next ten years of my life look like*

    1 favorite
  20. May 27

    The world likely doesn't care about your art but still do it out of spite

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