I'm no fan of encouraging learned helplessness. However... I survived early childhood rape. I've talked abt it multiple times since reaching age 11, when I finally had vocab & knowledge necessary to properly ID & categorize what had happened. 1/
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Decades later, I still get choked up talking abt it, esp w someone I've not previously disclosed to. There has, for most my 45 yrs, been a lot of stigma attached to sexual victimization. That's probably part of heightened anxiety. There is also the ton of pain PTSD has caused 2/
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Everyone differs as to how we respond/react to stressors. We also have no idea what other traumas she may have experienced that may have compounded the impact. From what knowledge base I have re: developmental & psych impacts of trauma, I found her testimony credible & rsnbl 3/
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Lionel's piece strikes me as lacking in compassion due to her inability to recognize that her own level of psychological resilience may be unusual & remarkable, not representative of norm. She also took a bit much delight in dunking on "mousy" behaviors. My 2 cents, anyway. /4
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I appreciate your response here, very much—it’s the first negative criticism I’ve read of Shriver’s piece that really resonates for me. With regard to your points about mousiness and resilience: 1/
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Mousiness: Mocking a person’s phenotype is always illegitimate. It’s low and backwards and wrong. I read Shriver’s comments re “mousiness” as behavioral (and therefore a choice—as in: the voice was partially an act), but I may well be wrong. 2/
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Resilience: I suspect that Shriver knows that she’s unusual in this regard. I know that I am, too. What worked for me in the piece was, in part, the focus on building and celebrating resilient women. You clearly are one, while also having your real history. Maybe CBF is too. /end
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I think this piece was deeply unkind, which takes away - a lot - from her otherwise good point about allowing resilience. I actively push back against the *expectation* that sexual assault weakens, but I think it's equally unfair to suggest "I managed fine, so should she."
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A bit strange to have a plug for Shriver’s appearance at a Bitcoin conference at end of op-ed?
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I had the same thought.
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Some good points are made but the tone is completely dismissive. Ford was 15 at the time of the incident, and what she described unsurprisingly left a mental mark. She did move on, she has a full life. She showed courage, not weakness in coming forward regardless of outcome.
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I don't find the tone dismissive. FWIW, I believe her (as Shriver does), and think that neither CBF or BK have the memory/sobriety (at the time) to recollect precisely. I was left with the very real sense that I had met too many guys like him. But also: strength > victimhood.
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So the *telling* of the story is *only* victimhood? Do you believe that? I hear your point Heather, but I have to agree with other commenters that this op-ed is a bit too dismissive of what I saw as a worthwhile unveiling of Mr. Kavanaugh's character, considering the stakes.
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Acknowledging victimhood can take real strength. Telling the truth usually does. People can't always help what happened to them, and they can't always control their reactions. Shaming people for not doing "rape victim" right is as cruel as it is stupid.
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Your the CHICK that went HAM on some guys trying to rob you at knifepoint in a foreign country But you aint a bird is damn right
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I appreciate this. My (entirely non-sexual) experience of being mugged in Quito is relevant, if only because it highlights this: Being strong (in my case, perhaps stupidly so), and also noting that the other guy is an ass, are not mutually incompatible positions.
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I dont believe u were mugged in Quito. U just want attention & dont remember it correctly. It was probably just guys playing. Did u press charges? & why r u writing about it now. Clearly another nefarious purpose. If u meant it, u would not have an icon pic with a smile on it.
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and grandfather would NEVER push a girl into a room from behind, lock the door, nor the rest. I still respect you and think you’re a hell of a mind, but we disagree on this big time.
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I don't disagree with you on this: What is described by CBF is not "boys being boys." It is abhorrent and unacceptable. The vast majority of men--and boys--would never behave that way. My desire for nuance in our interpretation of her testimony doesn't change that.
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Whitewashing Dr. Ford's experiences as a "moderately unpleasant story?" That's not nuance. Gaslighting us to think her testimony didn't imply attempted rape? That is not nuance. This article was merely mocked Ford for expressing emotion and downplayed attempted rape. Nuance?
pic.twitter.com/xOPvLJcLBf
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How is being laughed at by people sexually assault if you a normal high school experience? Or comparable to teasing someone
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Because all laughter is morally equivalent. What attempted rape? What is context? This is
#PeakNuance from Lionel Shriver and Heather Heying. I feel so enlightened!
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