My brother passed away 3 years ago today. I have been crying so hard the past few days. So low. Sobbing uncontrollably. Some people say that time heals all wounds, but this is just not getting better. This is a giant gash on my heart and soul that just constantly rips open...pic.twitter.com/9nAVi6imFi
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and bleeds and bleeds and bleeds. Ian had a tough life. He could not catch a break. We did not have it easy as kids, we were bullied, came from a broken home. He battled crippling depression and anxiety. Everything just spiraled out of control after his opioid addiction started.
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I know life is hard. I know it's a struggle, but he deserved better. That drug destroyed him and my family. I just want to hug him so badly. I want to actually hear his laugh. I want to play video games with him. I want to watch anime with him. I want to make silly faces at him
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and him smirk back. I want to call him right now, because he would always make me feel so much better when I was down... I just feel so alone without him. I never thought we'd lose, Ian. His battle against heroin was so difficult, I can't even begin to go into that...
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but he was such a fighter. I just blindly thought Ian would always be around. He was my twin. We shared a room when we were kids. We were roommates for most of our 20s. He was always with me. He was always there for me -- But now he's gone...
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I'm not telling you this because I want pity or sympathy. I'm trying to warn you. Life is hard and unpredictable. Do not take for granted the wonderful people in your life and the beautiful moments you have with them.
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Talk with your family and friends often and tell them you love them as much as you can. There is so much I wish I could have told him. There's so much I wanted to say, so much I want to share with him now. I know he's in a better place now.
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I know he's watching over me ,with me in a different way. I can feel his sad eyes looking at me right now, begging me to cheer up. So for him, I will push on. I will carry on. I know I am not half the person he was, but I will do my best to be the woman I know he wants me to be.
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I love you. So much, Ian. Keep on watching and guarding mom, dad, Fiona and me. We miss you.
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Lots of love, Jacki 
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