Of course for a tiny minority of people, devoting their entire life to a family & home and none to work is absolutely right just as for a small minority of people, devoting their entire life to work and none to a family & home is absolutely right. https://twitter.com/Paul_Bergkamp/status/999158977199071233 …
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But for more people who throw themselves fully into work & have no family life, this indicates not that they have no need for a partner or family but that they can't find one that suits them and so have filled out their lives doing something else important to them.
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And for more people who throw themselves fully into looking after home & family, this indicates not they have no personal ambitions or interests but that they can't find a way to realise them & so have filled out their lives doing something else important to them.
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I think it's clear that having a social default that most men & women will pursue both work lives and family lives is spot on. The balance of this will vary & men are more likely to prioritise the former & women the latter & there will be some who only want one but uncommonly.
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But assuming most people will have both kinds of needs does not entail blaming them if they don't. Again, the individual matters. My father is a workoholic who didn't want children tho he loved me once I got here. Even now, he has to limit family time to be on his own &I get that
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It was the existence of him that made me realise it is OK to be the way I am. Very much in my own head, absorbed in my own interests, with limited capacity for socialising even with those closest tho I love them dearly. Of course, he's probably also why I am this way.
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My cousin, as I have already mentioned, is someone who is utterly absorbed in her family & home. She has limited capacity to take an interest in anything else. That's fine too. It's who she is. And I'm grateful she exists & to be part of that family & be loved by her.
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I do not take a side on 'shame women into prioritising home life' or 'shame women into prioritising careers' because I don't think we should be shaming anyone and I also don't think women are that malleable. But I object to anyone thinking the default for women should just be one
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Replying to @HPluckrose
I wish I had more people in my personal life who think as clearly as you do.
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