But more seriously; I'm with Helen. I'm not seeing this offering anything new. Of course the culture is changing, quickly, because of the massive alteration in child-rearing. We've had half a century, maybe, to adjust to this; it's a sudden change to what we did for millennia.
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Replying to @citation_needed @GodDoesnt and
That is we the human species. We the gays don't really get why it's so difficult, because for us it's pretty simple. I want sex, he wants sex, we want each other, we do it, case closed. If we like each other (or it was really good), we'll schedule further performances.
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Replying to @citation_needed @GodDoesnt and
It is obscenely straightforward in this neck of the woods - Iona calls me an alien from Planet Gay every time the topic comes up. I have had "courtships" that went "You're hot. Wanna screw? My place? Sweet." One led to a six-month relationship, before he moved away.
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Replying to @citation_needed @GodDoesnt and
I am blithely confident that you, the heterosexuals, will stumble through this period and come out all right; but I honestly think that you'd benefit from taking a leaf out of our book. We talk plainly about it. All cards on the table. You guys do the most convoluted things.
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Replying to @citation_needed @GodDoesnt and
I’ve heard Dan Savage talk about diff between male gay sexual behavior vs. lesbian. He said the difference between straight & gay relationships was not homosexuality, but in having women involved in the equation. Without doing a lot of research right now, this seems plausible.
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Replying to @J_indetroit @GodDoesnt and
Women do operate *very* differently from men on this, true. There's the joke about "what does a lesbian bring on the second date? A U-haul." - my lesbian friends tell me it's not funny because it hits too close to home...
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Replying to @citation_needed @J_indetroit and
...but I still hold that better, non-judgemental, honest communication would go a long way towards easing things. A lot of the problems - both at group and individual level - seem to be caused by no-one having psychic powers.
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Replying to @citation_needed @J_indetroit and
Absolutely. This is why I argue for a rigorous gender studies programme. Blank slatism is the worst possible thing for gender relations. It brings - Why won't women act more like men, or right now 'Why won't men act more like women?' depending which sex has moral superiority
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Replying to @HPluckrose @citation_needed and
My adult adopted daughter said the best advice I ever gave her was 'The good man is not the one who intuitively knows what you need from him, but the one who, when you tell him very clearly, wants to provide it for you.' (Disclaimer: Works both ways, must be reasonable)
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No good all this: But I was behaving this way. How could he not know that what I needed was for him to stop trying to fix the problem and just listen to it and give me a cuddle?
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Replying to @HPluckrose @J_indetroit and
Best advice I was ever given was when a (now ex) boyfriend was bothered by something, and one of our friends just turned to me and said "did you try asking what's wrong and how you can help?" - boom. Problem solved.
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Replying to @citation_needed @HPluckrose and
It's amazing how much easier all my relationships - romantic/sexual, familial, platonic, even work ones - became once I made that approach universal. Comes back, again, to clarity and honesty of communication - with the iron-clad promise of zero judgement.
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