Crying itself is an involuntary reaction & should not be assumed to be a sign either of manipulation or general weakness. How people handle it is what tells you something about them.
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If you strongly but reasonably & politely criticise someone or her work and you see her well up, excuse herself & then return with red eyes & repaired make-up to address your points calmly & reasonably, this is a strong & honest person worthy of respect.
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I spent quite a lot of time in nurse training crying in lavatories. This was neither manipulative nor something I could help. What mattered was the evaluation that happened afterwards. Was that nurse bullying me or was I just doing stuff wrong & am embarrassed about it?
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Both were true at different times. Student nurses can be a handy punching bag for bullies but they also get a lot wrong and need telling that in no uncertain terms in a hurry.
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I think the most charitable thing to do if you reduce someone to tears by saying something you think needed saying, is to pretend not to notice, let them get away and take time to process and then see what they do from there. This is all I have to say about tears. Working now.
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whenever I hear this used in the context of white women, no one is actually crying, which is why it is so confusing..
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Oh they do. I usually see this in the context of a white woman being accused of being racist in person or dogpiled online.
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Teach me too, weaponise??
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