It stems from a failure to accept that gender differences exist and men not being women psychologically is neither misogyny nor patriarchy. Women are more often accused of being 'high maintenance' (emotionally demanding) and men of being 'insensitive' (emotionally obtuse).
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Perhaps some of this is socialised but I suspect much of it is not and it is within every individual's power to decide how much 'emotional labour' they expend on someone else's behalf so I can't get too worried about it as a gender equality issue.
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I am not very gender-typical in this regard and have been criticised for being 'emotionally unavailable' (not doing enough emotional labour on other people's behalf & not being very receptive to being subjected to a lot) but I feel strongly that this is something ppl must accept
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So I did rant about this on and off for a while, particularly the assumption that people have a responsibility to emote & share emotions at the will of someone else. I have argued that you have no more right to someone's thoughts & feelings than you do to their body.
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This seems counterintuitive to a lot of people who do seem to think they have the right to know what their partner, particularly, is thinking and feeling on demand and also that they listen to their thoughts and feelings on demand. Or that this sharing is done very often.
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If that is how your relationship works, that's great. I wouldn't knock it. But if one partner is regularly objecting to this or failing to live up to your expectations with regards to it (and, let's face it, it is more often men accused of this), you'll need to work something out
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And that something isn't automatically that s/he must immediately start doing your preferred degree of 'emotional labour'. In same way, the partner with the higher sex drive doesn't get to give specs to the one with the lower sex drive (which, let's face it is more often women).
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Maybe you're incompatible and will have to accept this but maybe you accept that you are different and find a compromise which works for both of you, rather than making a political issue out of that difference.
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My biggest frustration with the emotional labor topic is how it shuts down examination. It postulates a novel thing which has no clear empirical meaning, and could only be responded to with "just so" stories of personal experience.
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Men are doing most of the video game playing work and they're not even complaining!
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This seems like one of many articles of faith that feed into the whole patriarchy narrative. It's a sort of a cycle of confirmation bias that's allowed to grow thanks to being impervious to empirical testing.
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It does seem like there is a fundamental misunderstanding of value here. Should I get credit for the labor I put into thinking about art? I'm sure it contributes to my family's overall enjoyment of life due to the imagination and fun it provides.
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Or maybe I just like art and would think about art whether or not anyone else benefitted. Thus, there's a glut of me thinking about art, so no real price on it.
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Nah, it is a thing. But it does have a market value. Given a black belt in emotional labor, a sales rep will have a healthy pipeline; a manager, loyal workers. If you give it away, that's on you.
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It is not that difficult to argue with: anybody who feels unsatisfied with their relationship is free to split up/divorce. Nobody is forcing women to do "emotional labor". Incidentally, stereotype is that women tend to be in need of emotional support, not men.
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