I must stop saying 'you lunatic.' It doesn't travel and is read as abusive outside the UK. I normally remember this but sometimes I don't. Now, someone is traumatised by my ableism and verbal assault on them.
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Use Cockney rhyming slang. The garden tools wouldn't have a Scooby Doo whether to be offended or not.
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In the US it’s “you got to be shitting me” or “wtf are you saying.”
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