You should assume that I am in the pay of the far-right, that I am a child-abuser, that I am a psychopath, that I lost someone their job through lies, that I practice mind-control and that I am cheating on my husband and am a violent alcoholic who sends hate mail urging suicide
People can gain a marginalized identity which equates to a valued victimhood status within a certain extremist identitarian ideology. I'd never assume this even if I knew the person to subscribe to these beliefs because it would be so damaging if wrong. But i'd be wary.
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Especially as I have been told I was raped by several of them when I brought up an example of my second boyfriend whom I did not want to have sex with but didn't say so but signs would have been obvious to more thoughtful, mature man.
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Going backwards... Perhaps you're distinguishing "rape by definition" from "rape" - as in, sex without consent is rape by definition, but if the "victim" decides it wasn't rape, then it wasn't (hope that's clear...). I think I could agree with that distinction.
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It still wouldn't have been if I had decided it was.
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Maybe not - I don't know the situation, I'm not going to judge, and if you're satisfied it wasn't rape, that's fine with me (there would be exceptions to that, of course - if you were mentally impaired or under duress to deny it, for example, but I have no reason to assume so!).
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I was simply trying to draw out a distinction that I thought, from what you said, may have been there, see how you felt about it. Sorry if I've missed what you were saying.
End of conversation
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