He was coming from an angle where he believed that women exploit men because men work more & earn more money but women spend more money. He wanted contracts where the person who earns less is indebted to make up the difference with domestic work paid at unskilled labour rates.
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Apart from the fact that this seems like a really unhealthy relationship, it just wouldn't work. I can earn three times as much as my husband an hour but my job is sedentary from my own home & his highly physical and requires travel.
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So, I can earn more than him by doing half the hours he does. If I were to do that, should I then be a part-timer and have much leisure time & then tell him how much housework, cooking & childcare he owes me when he gets in tired and hungry?
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The man said, 'yes' - he thought this would be fair but I think he was doubling down due to gender ideology. It clearly would not be fair in a relationship where people work together. (In reality, he earns a little more because I don't work much coz I want to write)
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Of course, people can be selfish in relationships. One of my friends often complains of her husband doing none of the housework despite them both working full-time. I would not tolerate this for a minute. She does. I raised the issue once and then minded my own business.
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In my marriage, I find it easier to just accept that we're a team and everything is communal. No one's spending "my" money or "her" money, you know? I'm not sure it's a healthy approach to a committed relationship.
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An "allowance" seems pretty ridiculous in a loving marriage. If my wife wants to buy something, I want her to buy it too, so if I had an extra "allowance" which allowed me to buy something when she couldn't, I'd just buy it for her and that'd make me happy. That's how love works.
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It works differently for different people. Both myself and my wife put 95% of our money into jount account. It is for agreed expenditure. The 5% for ourselves is for unexplained any old nonsense expenditure. When money is extremely tight, it was v useful 1/
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for both of us to have a small amount of £ to spend without having to discuss. It depends how much money you have and what you do with it. I know many people with different ways of managing, and whatever works for them, I say fair play.
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Yeah, if you have tight funds, you need to be able to predict how much is going to be taken out for bills (we let each other know any time we need more than 50$) but the above is talking about adjusting the balance to favor the one who does more work.
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Yeh. Ive seen people do it to exert power. Not nice.
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When couples start a family, they usually do so without agreeing ahead of time on the division of labor & resources. The process of negotiating & agreeing on these details would bring benefits even if the process did not result in a legally binding contract.
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