Yes, this is annoying. I say this as part of a couple which doesn't fit the gendered division of labour norm, partly because I am not more nurturing than my husband and partly because I have been disabled for many years & often relied on my husband to care for me, home, child. https://twitter.com/MahdDogg/status/981839977305735168 …
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My mother-in-law, who I am not criticising but observing, is a powerful woman who knew how she wanted her house to be & woe betide her husband and five sons who also lived there if they obstructed this. She always regarded decisions about the house as hers and hers alone.
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This led my husband to assume that our house is essentially mine and that all decisions about decorating, furnishing etc are also mine & his responsibility was to earn the money to enable me to do those things. I don't see things this way and my mother never did either.
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My mother has a sign which say 'Only dull women have spotless houses', a cleaner, a house full of mismatched furniture and rooms which get redecorated approximately every 20 years.The difference between my mother and my mother-in-law is down to both personality & class.
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But they both got to decide what their relationship with home & work was. When Dave & I moved in together, we had to negotiate what ours would be. I just don't accept that this isn't a thing that happens in every relationship & that women just get saddled with more domestic work
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