Yes, this is annoying. I say this as part of a couple which doesn't fit the gendered division of labour norm, partly because I am not more nurturing than my husband and partly because I have been disabled for many years & often relied on my husband to care for me, home, child. https://twitter.com/MahdDogg/status/981839977305735168 …
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Because he assumed the kitchen was mine and that I cared about kitchens. I didn't and we still don't have a fitted kitchen because when we have spare cash, I'd rather go on holiday. But it wasn't patriarchal society which gave him this impression. It was his mother.
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To this, feminists would respond that women can and do uphold patriarchal norms but I'd say this is the wrong way to look at it because it assumes these norms are created to benefit men and women had no part in deciding how they should be and are oppressed by them.
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My mother-in-law, who I am not criticising but observing, is a powerful woman who knew how she wanted her house to be & woe betide her husband and five sons who also lived there if they obstructed this. She always regarded decisions about the house as hers and hers alone.
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This led my husband to assume that our house is essentially mine and that all decisions about decorating, furnishing etc are also mine & his responsibility was to earn the money to enable me to do those things. I don't see things this way and my mother never did either.
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My mother has a sign which say 'Only dull women have spotless houses', a cleaner, a house full of mismatched furniture and rooms which get redecorated approximately every 20 years.The difference between my mother and my mother-in-law is down to both personality & class.
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But they both got to decide what their relationship with home & work was. When Dave & I moved in together, we had to negotiate what ours would be. I just don't accept that this isn't a thing that happens in every relationship & that women just get saddled with more domestic work
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