Well, no. Then you'd have to keep getting married and divorced unless you only wanted to have sex with one person for your entire life. I think most women would prefer unwanted advances that having that expectation on them. You know, because of the wanted ones. https://twitter.com/YeyoZa/status/953266858337144832 …
But we do we worry so much more about this than other social interactions women feel obliged to carry out? I just find it so interesting it was described as the same as having to do a lunch you don't want but no solutions to this were suggested.
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I'd have much preferred to have sex with a man I didn't want to have sex with to having lunch with a woman I didn't want to have lunch with. It tends to be over faster and it's much easier to feign interest in sex to a man's satisfaction than in vapid conversation to a woman's.
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I know this is counterintuitive to many people, so much so that the writer of that piece didn't even feel the need to explain how they were different or acknowledge that women have always felt the need to do unwanted social interactions. More agency and assertiveness solves all.
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Agreed. I wish we would just talk about that more than "he shouldn't do that." Not that we shouldn't have the latter convo, but it could also be balanced by a discussion around, 'yes, he shouldn't do that, but you have choices too." And, "don't worry if he doesn't like you."
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Agreed. But I read the article as advocating 'he shouldn't do that' in the sense of 'change societal norms so he doesn't' rather than 'You have choices too. Be more confident in them.'
End of conversation
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We're slightly at cross purposes here. My final argument would be to advocate for better informed discussions around prevention, but they have been derogated beyond having. Social expectations have become heavier too. What if he won't like me?
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Yeah, I think women have to take that risk tho. I don't like the idea that they shouldn't be expected to. Social norms should just change so they don't have to make difficult choices around sexuality.
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Agreed. But a multi-pronged approach is better than demanding change from just one gender. Relationships are systems and all players have a role. Better communication skills around consent and better self-knowledge key, esp. for young women.
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I agree. That would be my position and my problem with both that article and the 'teach men not to rape/harass/pressure'' approach.
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Yes. It's provocative for the ideas it raises, but is hugely impractical, as is the latter part of your sentence there. The article did actually make me feel nostalgic when I first read it, but of course reality set in. It's all about adjustments.
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I straddled two very different eras. I grew up with the no default and yet struggled with the yes default myself as it was coming into being. Going back to no is inconceivable, but what we've got is something of a mess too. The Ansari debacle is common.
End of conversation
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