She knows where the line is. For us, slamming her own door is on the right side of it. Being abusive or violent to people is not. I don't want to have to stop showing anger when I feel it and feel directing it an inanimate objects in her own space is appropriate.
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Replying to @HPluckrose @SolarisRex
This is what we've always told her, anyway. There's nothing wrong with having feelings only with unleashing them on others. Take them into your own space, throw your own stuff around. Come back when you're calm and ready to be around people again.
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Replying to @HPluckrose @SolarisRex
That also enabled me to go and have some calm down time when I felt at risk of losing my temper with her.
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Replying to @HPluckrose
And this I understand more than you can know. I have three girls. Each is almost 2 years apart, & the middle is autistic. There were many times I had to put them in their cribs and go outside. I understand that, and don't think less of you for it.
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Replying to @SolarisRex
Mine is also somewhere on the ASD. Well, no, its the right thing to do. Go away. I also close the door and say 'fuck, cunt, bollocks, wanker' etc to relieve feelings and come out again. Sometimes I slam a door.
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Replying to @HPluckrose
Small aside, I love British swears.
I agree it's better than directly hurting someone, but you have to admit that there's uncontrolled anger, and violence, in the act. Even if it's an inanimate object, it's still unhealthy. Is slashing tires ok bc it's an inanimate object?1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes -
Replying to @SolarisRex
Yes, if that's what you've bought them for. If that it what helps you release anger. I don't think it is uncontrolled. She wasn't possessed. She expressed anger appropriately. A foster carer I read smashes old plates with her troubled kids
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Replying to @HPluckrose
And if it's someone else's? Do you think the normalization of violence to 'express' anger only ends where you tell her it does, when you've already shown that you'l take your anger out on her, and your spouse? She sees this. I'm betting she's not dumb since she's your kid.
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Replying to @SolarisRex
Yes. We all set lines about which way is OK to express anger. Do you think your kids will always stick by your rules? Yes, she knows people in relationships get annoyed and argue & its not a catastrophe? Do you think your girls will cope with life if they don't know this?
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Replying to @HPluckrose @SolarisRex
Of course, they do know this. Even if they are not shown at home that people who love each other can express anger at each other and that's OK, they'll see other kids have arguments and make-up and learn how to manage relationships and feelings.
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I did say we should agree to disagree rather than go here. We've both clearly thought about parenting and it seems not to make a huge amount of difference anyway. Our kids are loved and have boundaries even if we set them in different places.
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Replying to @HPluckrose
Indeed, I do agree to disagree. But before we part ways, I would like to say that I've enjoyed speaking with you. Thank you for speaking with me.
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