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HPluckrose's profile
Helen Pluckrose
Helen Pluckrose
Helen Pluckrose
@HPluckrose

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Helen Pluckrose

@HPluckrose

Editor @AreoMagazine Secular, liberal humanist. Mother. Doglover. Writing book about epistemology & ethics on the academic left Helen.pluckrose@areomagazine.com

London.
areomagazine.com/author/hpluckr…
Joined August 2011

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    1. Helen Pluckrose‏ @HPluckrose 19 Dec 2017

      Me: (Calling upstairs) You OK, Sweetheart? Teenager: YEEESSSSSS!!!! (Slams door) Well, I'm convinced. #Teenagers #DontHaveEm #JustSayNo

      9 replies 1 retweet 31 likes
    2. Solaris Rex‏ @SolarisRex 19 Dec 2017
      Replying to @HPluckrose

      You tolerate door slamming? Neither I nor my spouse do, I wouldn't recommend it either. It's disrespectful to you, or whomever gets the door slam.

      1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
    3. Helen Pluckrose‏ @HPluckrose 19 Dec 2017
      Replying to @SolarisRex

      Yes. Appropriate display of anger. On inanimate object that is unharmed rather than on people. I have also been known to bang doors when cross. Usually kitchen cupboards.

      1 reply 0 retweets 10 likes
    4. Solaris Rex‏ @SolarisRex 19 Dec 2017
      Replying to @HPluckrose

      And does it escalate to throwing things next? Where's the line when rude & destructive displays of anger are tolerated? Is cursing at you next? You've already shown a tolerance for rudeness. Why shouldn't she?

      2 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
      Helen Pluckrose‏ @HPluckrose 19 Dec 2017
      Replying to @SolarisRex

      She knows where the line is. For us, slamming her own door is on the right side of it. Being abusive or violent to people is not. I don't want to have to stop showing anger when I feel it and feel directing it an inanimate objects in her own space is appropriate.

      12:49 PM - 19 Dec 2017
      • 10 Likes
      • Joe Colucci Lizzy Agrafeuse Regina🎃 CesarGon 🥄 Man of Culture Gary J-G antihero_kate 🎃Freedom-of-Screech🦉
      2 replies 0 retweets 10 likes
        1. New conversation
        2. Helen Pluckrose‏ @HPluckrose 19 Dec 2017
          Replying to @HPluckrose @SolarisRex

          This is what we've always told her, anyway. There's nothing wrong with having feelings only with unleashing them on others. Take them into your own space, throw your own stuff around. Come back when you're calm and ready to be around people again.

          2 replies 0 retweets 7 likes
        3. Helen Pluckrose‏ @HPluckrose 19 Dec 2017
          Replying to @HPluckrose @SolarisRex

          That also enabled me to go and have some calm down time when I felt at risk of losing my temper with her.

          1 reply 0 retweets 3 likes
        4. Solaris Rex‏ @SolarisRex 19 Dec 2017
          Replying to @HPluckrose

          And this I understand more than you can know. I have three girls. Each is almost 2 years apart, & the middle is autistic. There were many times I had to put them in their cribs and go outside. I understand that, and don't think less of you for it.

          2 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        5. Helen Pluckrose‏ @HPluckrose 19 Dec 2017
          Replying to @SolarisRex

          Mine is also somewhere on the ASD. Well, no, its the right thing to do. Go away. I also close the door and say 'fuck, cunt, bollocks, wanker' etc to relieve feelings and come out again. Sometimes I slam a door.

          1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
        6. Solaris Rex‏ @SolarisRex 19 Dec 2017
          Replying to @HPluckrose

          😂 Small aside, I love British swears. I agree it's better than directly hurting someone, but you have to admit that there's uncontrolled anger, and violence, in the act. Even if it's an inanimate object, it's still unhealthy. Is slashing tires ok bc it's an inanimate object?

          1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
        7. Helen Pluckrose‏ @HPluckrose 19 Dec 2017
          Replying to @SolarisRex

          Yes, if that's what you've bought them for. If that it what helps you release anger. I don't think it is uncontrolled. She wasn't possessed. She expressed anger appropriately. A foster carer I read smashes old plates with her troubled kids

          2 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        8. Solaris Rex‏ @SolarisRex 19 Dec 2017
          Replying to @HPluckrose

          And if it's someone else's? Do you think the normalization of violence to 'express' anger only ends where you tell her it does, when you've already shown that you'l take your anger out on her, and your spouse? She sees this. I'm betting she's not dumb since she's your kid.

          1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
        9. Helen Pluckrose‏ @HPluckrose 19 Dec 2017
          Replying to @SolarisRex

          Yes. We all set lines about which way is OK to express anger. Do you think your kids will always stick by your rules? Yes, she knows people in relationships get annoyed and argue & its not a catastrophe? Do you think your girls will cope with life if they don't know this?

          2 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        10. 3 more replies
        1. New conversation
        2. Solaris Rex‏ @SolarisRex 19 Dec 2017
          Replying to @HPluckrose

          Nor should you, but violent displays can easily lead to larger violent displays because a little violence is ok, why is more not? I'm not saying don't feel anger, that's ludicrous. I'm merely saying be careful. You aren't always teaching them what you think you're teaching them.

          2 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        3. Helen Pluckrose‏ @HPluckrose 19 Dec 2017
          Replying to @SolarisRex

          We'll have to disagree on this. We have lines in different places. Presumably you'd be ok with your child going into her room and punching her pillow when she feels like screaming at you? Or do you fear this could lead to a larger violent display?

          2 replies 0 retweets 3 likes
        4. Solaris Rex‏ @SolarisRex 19 Dec 2017
          Replying to @HPluckrose

          Art is the way to go. I mean it literally when I say I want my kids to deal with their anger 'constructively'. Other than that I counsel them, we talk & they're allowed to express themselves calmly to me about their problems. I can't help them if I don't know what's wrong.

          2 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        5. Helen Pluckrose‏ @HPluckrose 19 Dec 2017
          Replying to @SolarisRex

          But privacy is also important. You're not entitled to their feelings and they don't have to want your help.

          1 reply 0 retweets 7 likes
        6. Solaris Rex‏ @SolarisRex 19 Dec 2017
          Replying to @HPluckrose

          Privacy is earned with age. An infant has no right to privacy while a 15 yr old needs it. As for my help, they don't have to want it. I'm their parent, I'm obligated to care for them while they're in my house. That's attentive parenting.

          1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
        7. Helen Pluckrose‏ @HPluckrose 19 Dec 2017
          Replying to @SolarisRex

          They have the right to keep their own feelings private until they want to share them for as long as they live. No-one has the right to access anyone's else's mind just as they don't have the right to access their body.

          2 replies 1 retweet 11 likes
        8. Helen Pluckrose‏ @HPluckrose 19 Dec 2017
          Replying to @HPluckrose @SolarisRex

          My parents were incredibly liberal but I still found it very hard to tolerate any intrusion into my mind or attempts to control me. I ended up remaining in my room as much as possible and leaving home as soon as legally old enough. Independence was everything

          3 replies 1 retweet 7 likes
        9. Helen Pluckrose‏ @HPluckrose 19 Dec 2017
          Replying to @HPluckrose @SolarisRex

          Fortunately, my father was exactly the same so he understood and I didn't feel like a freak so I kept in touch with them after I left. I don't think I would have done had they been even averagely intrusive.

          1 reply 0 retweets 2 likes
        10. 1 more reply

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