Me: (Calling upstairs) You OK, Sweetheart?
Teenager: YEEESSSSSS!!!! (Slams door)
Well, I'm convinced.
#Teenagers #DontHaveEm #JustSayNo
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This is what we've always told her, anyway. There's nothing wrong with having feelings only with unleashing them on others. Take them into your own space, throw your own stuff around. Come back when you're calm and ready to be around people again.
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That also enabled me to go and have some calm down time when I felt at risk of losing my temper with her.
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And this I understand more than you can know. I have three girls. Each is almost 2 years apart, & the middle is autistic. There were many times I had to put them in their cribs and go outside. I understand that, and don't think less of you for it.
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Mine is also somewhere on the ASD. Well, no, its the right thing to do. Go away. I also close the door and say 'fuck, cunt, bollocks, wanker' etc to relieve feelings and come out again. Sometimes I slam a door.
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Small aside, I love British swears.
I agree it's better than directly hurting someone, but you have to admit that there's uncontrolled anger, and violence, in the act. Even if it's an inanimate object, it's still unhealthy. Is slashing tires ok bc it's an inanimate object? -
Yes, if that's what you've bought them for. If that it what helps you release anger. I don't think it is uncontrolled. She wasn't possessed. She expressed anger appropriately. A foster carer I read smashes old plates with her troubled kids
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And if it's someone else's? Do you think the normalization of violence to 'express' anger only ends where you tell her it does, when you've already shown that you'l take your anger out on her, and your spouse? She sees this. I'm betting she's not dumb since she's your kid.
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Yes. We all set lines about which way is OK to express anger. Do you think your kids will always stick by your rules? Yes, she knows people in relationships get annoyed and argue & its not a catastrophe? Do you think your girls will cope with life if they don't know this?
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Nor should you, but violent displays can easily lead to larger violent displays because a little violence is ok, why is more not? I'm not saying don't feel anger, that's ludicrous. I'm merely saying be careful. You aren't always teaching them what you think you're teaching them.
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We'll have to disagree on this. We have lines in different places. Presumably you'd be ok with your child going into her room and punching her pillow when she feels like screaming at you? Or do you fear this could lead to a larger violent display?
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Art is the way to go. I mean it literally when I say I want my kids to deal with their anger 'constructively'. Other than that I counsel them, we talk & they're allowed to express themselves calmly to me about their problems. I can't help them if I don't know what's wrong.
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But privacy is also important. You're not entitled to their feelings and they don't have to want your help.
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Privacy is earned with age. An infant has no right to privacy while a 15 yr old needs it. As for my help, they don't have to want it. I'm their parent, I'm obligated to care for them while they're in my house. That's attentive parenting.
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They have the right to keep their own feelings private until they want to share them for as long as they live. No-one has the right to access anyone's else's mind just as they don't have the right to access their body.
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My parents were incredibly liberal but I still found it very hard to tolerate any intrusion into my mind or attempts to control me. I ended up remaining in my room as much as possible and leaving home as soon as legally old enough. Independence was everything
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Fortunately, my father was exactly the same so he understood and I didn't feel like a freak so I kept in touch with them after I left. I don't think I would have done had they been even averagely intrusive.
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