Time to break out an old tried-and-tested counterattack.
“I brought you into this world and I can take you out of it!” 
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I couldn't get enough constructive criticism from my parents when I was a teenager.
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That was good. Mine has called me zebra-face the other day. (I have a black and grey beard.)
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Nice caption for a T-shirt.
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(Hint for a Christmas present)
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I approve of this message
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Well in all fairness Helen, the two-eyes-a-nose-and-a-mouth thing has been a bit done to death...
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She's not wrong, though. Two eyes, nose, mouth. It's been done, Helen!
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Some say “god gives us children so that death won’t seem so severe “
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I have just become a grandfather a third time due to my youngest son & his wife. This fulfilling my ancient curse”may you have children of your own someday.”
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"... and so she slowly realised that the power she once had held, had given way to nothing more than empty gestures of intimidation and swearing..."
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Next time it happens say, "Oh yeah? Well your eyebrows are a conjunction!"
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Teenagers drive the evolution of language.
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Ha I've used that, i like your kid
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How do you even put up with this shit?
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Odd isn't it how they never seem to grasp the idea of 'constructive criticism' until they reach 30ish.
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Is the irony lost on her?
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