Some men have told me they'd appreciate such compliments and wish women gave more of them. Perhaps that's why? The golden rule doesn't always work when it comes to gender differences.https://twitter.com/JessicaHuseman/status/938145534182920193 …
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Replying to @HPluckrose
Explicit attention to physical details is one way, man to woman, a reversal would imply that the man is attractive, a recognition that would derail the traditional gender dynamic.
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Replying to @SteveMundie @HPluckrose
I constantly get compliments on my haircut or clothing from female coworkers, and it’s possible that no “derailing” occurs because I’m openly gay. But I also get compliments on my clothes from straight male coworkers. Does that “derail” the workplace dynamic?
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Replying to @gregstevens @SteveMundie
I don't think so. Often women refrain from complimenting straight men's appearances and feel a little uneasy if they compliment theirs because of men's tendency to overinfer sexual interest & potential for misunderstanding. You are safe in that regard.
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Helen Pluckrose Retweeted Mike
My friend was explaining a much more straightforward dynamic among gay men!https://twitter.com/citation_needed/status/936844669907898369 …
Helen Pluckrose added,
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Replying to @HPluckrose @SteveMundie
Ha! That is definitely accurate, at least in some circles. I just find it interesting that I get compliments from straight men, who for whatever reason never worry that I will “over-infer” their meaning. (I mean, this isn’t some kind of mystery or anything...just interesting)
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Replying to @gregstevens @SteveMundie
It is interesting. They probably aren't accustomed to worrying about this whereas women learn to be careful not to give the wrong message. I find it very positive that your straight male colleagues are not worried that they will be misunderstood for complimenting a gay man tho.
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Replying to @HPluckrose @SteveMundie
I think it’s good, but in some ways it also illustrates how much of a psycho-socio-emotional minefield this whole area is quite independent from the sexism / gender-relations aspect of it. For example... (c)
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Situation: very hot straight guy I’m bonding with decides to show me the scar from the bullet wound when he was in the service. Fine, but the scar is on his ass. He thinks nothing of dropping his pants to show me because it’s “just guy talk” and we’re bonding.....
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....but of course it was weird and awkward for me because I was, in fact, attracted to him. LOL I didn’t act on anything because I’m a normal mature adult with self-control. But it is still an example of how an event can be experienced as sexual for one person but not the other
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Oh! Yes! Is it worth saying straight men (and women) should think of this or would that just add complication & barriers? In one way, it's very positive that he clearly wasn't thinking of you differently than straight male friends.
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That ever complicated mix of not caring about but also respecting different aspects of identity!
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