A message to progressive white men: If you make a mistake and say something insensitive in a discussion about marginalised lives and someone calls you out on it, just own it. Don’t make excuses. Don’t explain your intentions. Literally just say “I fucked up. I’m sorry.”
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A British radio host made a tweet addressing how more women should be on the radio talking about sexual assault. His intentions were pure. He was tired of hearing men who are not victims discuss this issue on the radio without women, who experience this daily, present.
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Thing is, PLENTY of women have taken to radio & television to talk about sexual assault. Not only is recounting their assault emotionally exhausting, but they are bullied and harassed. For mental health reasons, sometimes it’s just not worth exposing your trauma to the public.
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A woman responded to him, and told him his post was ignorant. Instead of taking the time to understand where she was coming from, he took it personally: because she didn’t explain it in a nice enough tone. And thus his white man followers started harassing her on Twitter.
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Tone-policing is a power tactic. Men are not used to people who have less power than them, having power over these conversations. So they critique their tone.
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Critiquing someone’s tone instead of listening to their message wont give you anything except power over a conversation that essentially doesn’t affect you or your livelihood.
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And if you do believe things should just be explained nicely while we hold your hand through it: I did exactly that. I engaged and explained this. He had a complete meltdown and deleted all of his tweets related to the conversation.
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And then said he needed a break from Twitter and will no longer engage in political conversations after being HARASSED for trying to be a good man.


What the actual fuck dude?6 replies 22 retweets 250 likesShow this thread -
Men: if someone calls you out on saying some ignorant shit - it’s not attack on your personal character. The emotions of marginalised people are valid and they matter. Yes, it feels shitty to be called out. But don’t you want to learn how to be a better ally?
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But do you see how you've already assumed he is wrong &needs to be educated rather than that he disagrees & you could learn from each other?
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