A message to progressive white men: If you make a mistake and say something insensitive in a discussion about marginalised lives and someone calls you out on it, just own it. Don’t make excuses. Don’t explain your intentions. Literally just say “I fucked up. I’m sorry.”
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A British radio host made a tweet addressing how more women should be on the radio talking about sexual assault. His intentions were pure. He was tired of hearing men who are not victims discuss this issue on the radio without women, who experience this daily, present.
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Thing is, PLENTY of women have taken to radio & television to talk about sexual assault. Not only is recounting their assault emotionally exhausting, but they are bullied and harassed. For mental health reasons, sometimes it’s just not worth exposing your trauma to the public.
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A woman responded to him, and told him his post was ignorant. Instead of taking the time to understand where she was coming from, he took it personally: because she didn’t explain it in a nice enough tone. And thus his white man followers started harassing her on Twitter.
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Tone-policing is a power tactic. Men are not used to people who have less power than them, having power over these conversations. So they critique their tone.
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Critiquing someone’s tone instead of listening to their message wont give you anything except power over a conversation that essentially doesn’t affect you or your livelihood.
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Or people just have boundaries about not tolerating verbal abuse.
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