It's important to take responsibility for the things we say but we do also need to take responsibility for our perceptions of what others do
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We can't ask others to apologise for our perceptions of the meaning of their words when they know full well what they actually meant.
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I don't accept 'death of the author' in relation to general conversation. The speaker is the only authority on their own meaning.
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We can have different opinions on whether an intended meaning is, eg racist, but not what the intended meaning was.
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eg, My neighbour in the 90s: I'm not racist but I don't want Pakis next door. Me: That is racist tho. Her: No, it's not.
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Here, we both accept her meaning is that she doesn't want to live next door to Pakistanis but we disagree on whether that's racist. (FFS)
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If it was: I don't want ppl who play loud rap music late at night next door. That's code for 'no black people'. No, it isn't! Yes, it is.
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Then the second person has changed the first's meaning & if 1st clarifies she's not making a racist assumption, she's the authority on that.
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This is one of those things which should be obvious but seems not to be to very many people.
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Of course, this is due to the belief in an unconscious bias we all have. 'You can't see it yourself but I can coz I understand these things'
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Of course, we do all have unconscious biases but these are rarely uncovered by other people with explicit ideological biases of their own.
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