The idea intention doesn't matter, only impact is untrue in reality and removes all need to take responsibility for your own perceptions
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But it would have been painful on a much deeper level if it had been deliberate. As it was an accident, it didn't matter much after 10 mins
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And it should be clear that we bear some responsibility for how we receive things.
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Aggression relies on an attitude. If someone perceives words as aggressive, they could be right or wrong about this. The speaker knows.
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Which isn't to say it can't be pointed out they could seem that way & once it has been, speaker has responsibility to take that into account
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To think about it. They don't have to agree with the assessment or change their speech but they know the possible impact now.
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A lot of this is down to the 'death of the author' idea where the speaker does not own the only meaning to his/her words.
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Which is useful to a certain extent. I can read a book differently to how the author intended me to take it & this can be telling.
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But this has been twisted around to the author being both dead and responsible for the reader/listener's perceptions.
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In some cases. People replying
#NotAll are often accused on defensiveness & needing to just assume speaker didn't mean 'all.' - 1 more reply
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Justice Holmes famously wrote that even a dog knows the difference b/w being kicked + tripped over.
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Impact to relationship probably mattered.
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Children understand intent even if they do often declare it as an excuse.
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I had a family friend reach down my pants and touch my genitals. It would have been different if he weren't a doctor doing an examination.
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Still felt uncomfortable but didn't stay with me for long after I left.
End of conversation
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