I didn't think that emotional labour was really any kind of a problem and more of a whine because women have the same power to decline to do excessive amounts of it as men do. Checking everyone is feeling OK, noticing if they're not, finding out what the problem is, listening etc
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I said I just didn't do a lot of this stuff and that this has always been fine and suggested that women who don't want to be constantly caring about how everyone is feeling should stop doing it. This would work better than blaming men for not doing it, especially as so subjective
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Then I did a year long project with three men & it all had to come to a head in a rush & everybody was very stressed & tense & I found that actually, the only person trying to make sure everybody was feeling OK & that we were all communicating & relationships were strong was me
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I suddenly really needed to make sure everyone was OK and that we were all properly bonded. I have to say it wasn't entirely clear that the others regarded this as a service on their behalf so much as an extra burden that perhaps I didn't need to be laying on them right now. XDpic.twitter.com/o3pb7J41gN
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Moral of the story. If you are doing loads of emotional labour for everybody else and feel it is unfair that men are not doing as much, check that you're not actually serving your own needs and everyone else wouldn't rather you gave it a rest & let them get on with work. XD
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The whole concept of emotional labour in this context really annoys me. It just feels so manipulative and whiny. You genuinely can just not do it. Even if people really do expect more from women, all it would take to change that would be for enough women not to do it & foil that.
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When it comes to things like being expected to remember everyone's birthday coz female, people can't hold that expectation for me for very long. I've been known to forget my own.
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Perhaps I'm an unusual woman, but I find my female colleagues' insistence on caring for everyone's emotions tiresome. I want to get the job done, and expect others to manage their own feelings, and assert themselves when needed, like adults.
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If I could like this post twice I would.
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I’ve always found women the most difficult regarding this. It comes up every so often that a friend deems me or someone else a bad friend because we ‘dont care’ about them. That is, our lives don’t revolve around their constant upsets 24/7 it’s exhausting.
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Her: But I'm doing all this emotional labor towards our friendship Me: Please take an indefinite leave of emotional absence
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@JamesADamore women rate higher in neuroticism. Women: No we don't! We just have more emotional labor!Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. UndoUndo
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I just wish there was another word for it, since it was coined by sex workers for the specific bit of our job that is performing compulsory emotional/management stuff. Seeing it taken out of the context of work and into personal relations lessens our ability to talk about that.
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No it doesn’t. You’re doing it right now
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But instead of being able to say two words, we have to clarify, which ends in arguments about how it's wrong to make a distinction (usually from women not in SW saying that we can't possibly have different pressures on us) . If you've got a solution to that though, I'm all ears.
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I believe it's bio-determined for chicks to do this; stems from need to ensure co-cave-dwellers are cooperative/safe. But we must learn 2 apply intelligence/awareness or we get all mother-henish/controlling. Emo labor unneeded in most modern work enviros.
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Yeah, and men are expected to do the physical labour. Also not always fun. Boo boo.
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a trend of women shirking all natural contribution to society apparently leads to an end with all take, and no give.https://twitter.com/HPluckrose/status/1053984023595401216 …
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women cannot and will not do the protecting, providing and building for men.
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Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. UndoUndo
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