...(and sorry to be crude here) if someone wants a quick wank, this is absolutely no-one else's business, not even the partner's. Obv, if he is doing this to the exclusion of having a good sex-life with his partner, there could well be a problem and a conversation needed.
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But if she is not there, not in mood or he just doesn't feel like having sex right then but just a quick wank before going to sleep or something, this is not something he should be criticised for. Especially as men often have higher sex drives than women.(Works other way too tho)
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This seems abusively controlling. I found this chilling: "Another way of saying it is having a secret life or world while you are in a relationship or a family is a form of abuse." No, it isn't. Expect your partner to have parts of him or herself just for him or herself.
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I hate the idea that to be in a relationship is to be owned body and 'soul' by someone else and never again having the right to private thoughts, feelings or activities. I'm not talking about deception, such as cheating which breaks an agreement many couples want. Outside that.
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I have always appreciated that my husband always accepted my need to spend much of my time inside my own head. Of course, I am usually thinking about postmodernism, critical theory, feminism & politics; thoughts he'd really rather I didn't share with him anyway. XD
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But other friends, creative types, have whole fantasy worlds they have created which are just for them. We all have the right to an internal world, whether intellectual, artistic, erotic or whatever. This doesn't end when we have relationships.
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It's like this nonsense with 'microcheating' where you're not allowed to be friends with your ex or DM someone of the opposite sex to talk about shared interests. (Don't know how this works for same sex couples but I suspect it's mostly a hetero thing). It feels so regressive.
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It feels like trust - emotional trust that your relationship is sound & your partner is with you because they love you and want to spend their life with you - is completely absent in people who think like this.
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That's what will destroy your relationship, not your partner masturbating, watching porn, having friends of both sexes or having thoughts and feelings and interests they don't share with you.
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Ummm, I'm kind of surprised he takes that attitiude. Particularly when a partner is potentially put at risk for an STD without their knowledge or consent. There are many spouses who would agree it rises to the level of abuse.
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Oh, I don't know that David disagrees with that.
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Helen, I feel funny talking to you now that you're so famous!!
#StarStruck - End of conversation
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