Well, no. We don’t worry about getting attacked; it’s got a not-unreasonable chance of happening, and ain’t no-one coming to our rescue, so we just learn to live with it. And take up Krav Maga if we’re really concerned.
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Was having a convo related to this recently. He was talking abt this time a drunk girlfriend mouthed off to some obvious gang-bangers, and how that suddenly meant *he* had a problem, as his risk of having to defend against physical attack had suddenly grown exponentially 1/
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A man can't show fear in a situation like that. If he shows fear, he's toast. I heed same warning to get safely away fr aggressive dogs. Something rather primal abt it. I'd never considered men might generally encounter such situations differently fr women tbh
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Yes, I realised this recently. On a train, some man, was going on at a teenage girl of about 14. About God. Loud & too close. Not overtly aggressive. I thought about intervening and wondered why they men weren't. I looked at them & saw they were all alert and watching indirectly.
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And then I thought if I went over there and told the man to back off and he got aggressive - he seemed volatile - I'd force an issue where one of them had to intervene and then there'd be a fight, so I waited & watched too. Then a seat came free & she sat & ppl closed round her.
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Then he got off. It was seeing that the men were ready to intervene but waiting until it became necessary - if the girl got upset or the man got aggressive - that made me realise a female privilege. I cld have brought abt an altercation but it wldn't have been me dealing with it
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I talked about this with a male friend and he said that reasonable men will behave this way. Hold back. Try not to let a situation get to a tipping point where violence is inescapable. Some women can escalate a situation without thinking it through in that way.
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Because we don't tend to work that way. There isn't a tipping point where angry words inevitably become violence between women or between men and women. But there does seem to be some line with men & the sensible ones avoid stepping up to it.
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I’m opposed to notion that because women are scared, men should allowed to be scared, too. The truth is no one in america should be scared. This is a ridiculously safe country. Folks—men & women—need to toughen up & get some street smarts. It’s the safest place ever to exist.
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It's just an observation that when you're walking alone in the dark and someone is behind you, people's imaginations often do summon up worst case scenarios and this is not gender specific. Stranger attacks happen & minds leap to this, not statistical probabilities.
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I recognise this. But I also think its important to point out that people feel this way because of the evening news. Not due to all that much real danger. Statistics arent dramatic, I know. But our culture could use more bravery, and less paranoia.
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I think we feel that way because we are human! The significant thing is that its not only women who get the willies in the dark and this isn't an indication of a culture that oppresses women.
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Well, all people are scared of the dark. That’s quite natural. But we are expected to grow out of our fear as we get older and realize there’s nothing to be scared of.
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I think you expect too much. Crime does happen. Its not crazy to be nervous when vulnerable. It just shouldn't be presented as a gendered living in fear coz male violence.
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I’m not sure if its expecting too much to think people should stop feeling vulnerable in sitatuions where they are not actually vulnerable. Take a self-defense course. Get counseling. If I cower every time I get a text message, that’s *my* issue and paranoia. Not the world’s.
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I'm not saying to make it the worlds problem. I'm saying to recognise that both sexes can fear becoming the victim of crime.
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I'm a bloke. I genuinely do not fear for my physical safety. It's not because I've got a penis but because I live in an incredibly safe area. If I were walking around questionable neighbourhoods at night I probably would be a bit more concerned.
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I won't dismiss male ego as a motivator for claiming not to be afraid, but at a certain point you may have to consider that maybe, just maybe, not living your life in constant mortal terror is in fact the reasonable state of mind to be in.
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Correct. Statistically, men are far more prone to be victims (as well as instigators) of violence, but we are not encouraged to admit to being afraid of violence. And honestly, I don't believe we should be.
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I think it might be less about it being damaging to masculinity and more about people caring less. Men can't expect strangers to intervene so, we have to learn to deal with it. Team that with an evolutionary inclination towards risk and aggression and ???
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