H.K. Belvedere Ω

It's dangerously seductive... like a bad news woman...

ways to fight this toxic relationship I have with it?

Forced breaks for at least 7 days. You can't see the way out now. Your clear-headed version (which will suck for the first 5 days...) is the only person who can answer this.

But it's definitely a completely different version of yourself. Different personality, different goals, different perspective. You can't get into that mentality now. You need forced detoxes. Then go back under for a week. The pull yourself out again. Think of harmonic waves.

So one week in, one week out.

I am at a good equilibrium right now of one week per month. That's what works for me. I'm clear-headed now, so I am so grateful I haven't done it in a while, it controls who I become too much. But I also sense I need a few days of it. Then I'll go another month clean.

So you need to stay sober for a while to shift your perspective of life ..

Precisely. Can't think your way to a new perspective. Requires physical change to your neurons.