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Grange95's profile
Grange
Grange
Grange
@Grange95

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Grange

@Grange95

Recovering lawyer, Huskers & Packers fan, poker degenerate, scurvy fighter, sarcastic SOB ... Mostly here for the dogs.

West Des Moines, IA
craakker.blogspot.com
Joined April 2009

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    1. Brad Willis‏ @BradWillis 13 Jun 2018

      From time to time here, I like to impart uncommon wisdom from a place you may not know or have not yet fully appreciated: Suburbia. Tonight that advice is simple. If you are going to live in Suburbia... Buy a pitchfork.

      1 reply 1 retweet 4 likes
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    2. Brad Willis‏ @BradWillis 13 Jun 2018

      If you’re coming from the city, you will see a pitchfork & probably think of American Gothic. And then you will probably make a joke to your significant other—probably an art major, if we’re being honest—& you will both laugh as you leave the hardware store with only lightbulbs

      1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
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    3. Brad Willis‏ @BradWillis 13 Jun 2018

      If you grew up in Suburbia, you might remember your own parents and the tools they had in the garage. You won’t remember a pitchfork. And so you won’t buy one, because, you’ll say with a suburban grin, “pitchforks are for hicks.” And your accent will be terrible.

      1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
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    4. Brad Willis‏ @BradWillis 13 Jun 2018

      And if you are from the country, you will think, “I am moving to Tract Home Vinyl Siding Hell. Why would I need a pitchfork?” And you will imagine a Fast Times at Ridgemont High scene featuring you, Phoebe Cates... and no pitchfork.

      1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
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    5. Brad Willis‏ @BradWillis 13 Jun 2018

      I’m not here to boss you around. And if I tried to explain why you need a pitchfork, you would laugh at me and ask how my neighbors Brad, Chad, and Brad are. (And they are fine, thank you.)

      1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
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    6. Brad Willis‏ @BradWillis 13 Jun 2018

      So, we’ll leave it at this. Duct tape is a given, like some sort of cooler for beer and some sort of hot outdoor device for cooking (Charcoal if you care about yourself.) A very long pole. (With which most problems can be solved.) And a pitchfork. You’re welcome.

      2 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
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      Grange‏ @Grange95 13 Jun 2018
      Replying to @BradWillis

      I grew up on a farm. Here’s all you need to survive: Duct tape Pliers Balin’ wire WD-40 Pitchfork

      6:53 PM - 13 Jun 2018
      2 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        1. New conversation
        2. Brad Willis‏ @BradWillis 13 Jun 2018
          Replying to @Grange95

          I don’t think I have to tell you, I have every one of those here. (had to replace the WD-40 this week) And a very long pole.

          2 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        3. Grange‏ @Grange95 13 Jun 2018
          Replying to @BradWillis

          When the zombie apocalypse comes, we’ll nod knowingly over our fences and settle in for the long haul*. * Long haul means until the liquor cabinet and wine cellar are empty.

          0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
        4. End of conversation
        1. New conversation
        2. Wendy Mortensen‏ @wndywitch 13 Jun 2018
          Replying to @Grange95 @BradWillis

          And a butter knife

          1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
        3. Brad Willis‏ @BradWillis 13 Jun 2018
          Replying to @wndywitch @Grange95

          Working ahead are we? That is Year 2!

          1 reply 0 retweets 2 likes
        4. 3 more replies

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