God

@god

Hells yeah, it's me!

heaven
Joined January 2007
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  1. Pinned Tweet
    17 Mar 2014

    Best fortune ever!

    562 replies 4,932 retweets 14,828 likes
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  2. May 10

    When passion trumps disdain...

    3 replies 17 retweets 246 likes
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  3. May 3

    Direct from the source:

    24 replies 580 retweets 3,060 likes
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  4. Apr 30

    I cannot think of a more poorly designed product than . couldn’t frustrate me more on his best day.

    17 replies 27 retweets 654 likes
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  5. Apr 20

    My son is a zombie, but at least we know when he will spawn each year. Still don’t get the chocolate bunny connection though.

    37 replies 217 retweets 2,386 likes
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  6. Apr 19

    At least it won’t wrinkle any more when it gets mad.

    3 replies 4 retweets 104 likes
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  7. Apr 17

    Too soon?

    18 replies 197 retweets 1,428 likes
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  8. Apr 7

    C’mon, tell me I’m awesome!

    60 replies 206 retweets 1,891 likes
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  9. Apr 2

    I hate it when talks about our, I mean my, sex life.

    37 replies 229 retweets 3,801 likes
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  10. Mar 20

    Awesome.

    11 replies 118 retweets 808 likes
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  11. Mar 7

    So true!

    58 replies 287 retweets 1,939 likes
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  12. Feb 15

    I hope you had more fun on Valentine’s day than this lonely pine cone I found on Instagram...

    14 replies 9 retweets 219 likes
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  13. Feb 3

    Reminds me of a baby

    15 replies 215 retweets 1,636 likes
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  14. Feb 3

    Although I didn’t have the time to be one of the “dad coaches”, I did buy the t-shirt.

    16 replies 71 retweets 703 likes
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  15. Feb 2

    Oops! My bad!

    43 replies 198 retweets 1,618 likes
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  16. Jan 31

    That’s a load of crap!

    110 replies 717 retweets 6,023 likes
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  17. Jan 17

    Noah’s such an idiot!

    102 replies 600 retweets 3,485 likes
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  18. Jan 12

    This morning I saw a wiener dog jump as high as it could to sniff the asshole of a Doberman.

    30 replies 94 retweets 827 likes
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  19. Retweeted
    Jan 7

    World’s Frogs Unveil 5-Million-Year Plan To Move Up Food Chain

    50 replies 610 retweets 3,513 likes
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  20. Jan 1

    Happy New Year everybody! My resolution this year is to have an open mind and not group people into such broad categories. As such I promise to be more targeted in unleashing my rage on tyrants and idiots. I have also once again extended the three-second rule to five seconds.

    39 replies 176 retweets 1,325 likes
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  21. 24 Dec 2018

    I’ll play along, but he’s not really my kid. Immaculate conception is a load of crap. That shit would never fly today. Merry Christmas.

    49 replies 215 retweets 1,526 likes
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